See You In Heaven

My life Before Him

Here I am, standing right in front of his unalive cold body, it was a rainy day, the sky was slowly turning grey and thunder could be heard from afar, at this exact moment I'm wondering if the world is trying to send me a message trough the storm, or is this just my soul standing in front of this empty whole, I am all wet from head to toe, every drop of water diving down my chest, digging their way down the moutain, feels as if water was at this day the only thing that could link us to each other,my legs were shaking as spaghetti, I could barely feel my fingers as they were turning into ice cube,my body is there but it feels like it stopped functionning , my lips are turning purple, while I can't help but to stay in place,without moving, Right now I feel as dead as he is, as if we've met each other in an another universe already, while I'm Torn between the feeling of relief from all this nightmare to finally be over , and the desire to jump that cliff and join him wether it's out of guit,pain ,or love, Right now I should be the one laying in there,I can't figure out how to live without him, the idea of waking up every morning to a world where he isn't is a torture, and the memory of what we used to be will live among us, moving trought my vein till my very last breath. So many questions haunting my mind at the moment, what if Things would have been different? Shouldn't I be the one to leave for a better world?the way everything turned upside down , and took a terible turn in such a short amount of times is pretty scary, this for sure wasn't suppose to end that way,I've never deserved his love, I never deserved him. let me tell you our story luke, chase & I story, back to where it all began.

MY NAME IS JONATHAN AND THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE BEFORE I MET HIM

my mom passed away, when I was only 8 years old,she was the most special person in my life, the only one That saw me for who I was, the one I wasn't invisible for, she cared about me everyday, and understood me the best, since that day occured wherever I go I'm always the black sheep, the invisible boy,No one sees me or even care about my existence,people don't hate me they just don't see me,I'm no one to them, either at school or at home, my dad don't love me, well at least not as much as he loves my big brother Alex , sadly, I can't blame him, my brother is so east to love, any parents would be proud to have him as a kid, he is the perfect kid, class president,he never break the rules, he's obeident, well dressed,knows how to cook, helps with cleaning and laundry, even is image's perfect, shinny hair, gorgeous smile, tall, perfect shape, Six pac, big eyes, also he's going, to enrolled in university of oxford next year, dad often calls him "the hope of the park family" while im the complete opposite, Im just a normal regular boy,not ugly but not handsome either,I'm not tall nor short, I have such little slanting eyes, there is only one things I can compete with him and that is being the #1 in every school subject, this is the only spot he won't ever beat me, I have the goodest grades, but this give me more of a geek image than a cool wanna be friends with,my best friend says i dress as an old man, my hair are mostly messy all the times cause I always wake up too late to do something with it, I've also got these horrible glasses stuck in the middle of my very ordinary nose, one thing My mom loved were my freckles but I've got so many that I've always felt more like a freak or a clown, sometimes people laugh at me cause I keep on wearing those white and green sneakers which are all broken and almost in decomposition,These are the last thing I've got left from my mother.Our school blueprint Is situated right next to the rich boys only school goldenknight high school, these brats kids have been given golden scoups in hands since they were born, wearing uniforms, all driving their luxuous freshy cars, They all seems so perfect and well educated, they are future presidents and doctors, this doesn't even look like a school,more like a castle ,while blueprint is so small and made of broken dirty bicks, our school mostly educate future taxi driver, or cleaner, even some of our very old student is goldenknight janitor,altough we've always been taught about love, loyalty, family, friendship, Hard work, and generosity they've on their side been taught discipline, selfishness, power, and self love, both our school students are not allowed to hanghout together, because of an incident that happened a few years ago, when a student of blueprint and a studen of goldenknight fought until one of them hardly fell on a rock and died of a concussion, anyway,as you can imagine, some girls of our school are charmed by the perfect facade these charming prince to be are serving ,running away at night form window to window,secretly making out, or fighting in the alley till they get caught and most of the time expelled,sometimes luke and I like to go out at night and throw rocks to their windows so they'll be scared to death, luke is the only important person in my life nowadays,well ever since I lost my mom, he's been by my side trought ,when she died he brought me to the threehouse he and his father had built together and we just sat their in silence while listening to our favorite music, he stood their silently and wait till I was ready to talk my feelings out, he never forced me, or asked anything out of me, he just stayed there by my side, we've been friends since we were 5, at the time he and his parents had just moved to our neighbourhood,to the house right next to mine ,we both clicked at first sight, we love the same things,and share the same brain, we are both our own kind of weird, together we only make one, he's like a brother to me, I wish I had him as a brother instead of alex,luke as the most beautiful and pure heart in the world, he trully is amazing. when my dad remaried 4 years after we lost momy, alex was being so welcoming with my dad's new wife, they were all lovey dovey, seated and eating in hapiness and full of joy , while all I could feel was that they both were trying to replace her, like they had forgotten she has ever existed,I couldn't even suport the weight od being at home, so I spent most of the night at luke's and his parent are both the sweetest, they always cooked for both of us, and played board game till late night, we sometimes watched movies all four of us, with them It always felt like a family, I've always felt at home, they've always been my second home,luke and I shared his bed almost every night and I often had these horrible nightmares which made me shaky and sometimes I was loudly crying, so when I went at luke, he just took care of me as the big brother I never had, he hold my hands and pulled me closer to me, breaking any space between us, this would usually ease off all my pain and help me sleep like a baby, then every morning we eat breakfest together either at my house or his, we go to school together, at school we always stick by each other side, and after school when we are not watching a horror movies , playing video games or studying together we call each other on facetime and we just fall asleep while talking, some people call us the siamese brothers, he just understands me the best, and I also understand him, we have that kind of friendship where words are uncessary we both just feel great together, and what I liks the most about us is the way we stayed as we are 16 now,even tought I don't do sleepover at his ,not as often as I used to but were still very close, he'll always be my bestfriend no matter what happens, well at least that's what I tought...

About a year ago, I won most hardworking student of the year at blueprint which lead me on the spot to receive a scolarship from privates school around town, but never would I have tought I would be offered to study at goldenknight...