• BURN ME •

• 23

SENSITIVE
~ MOTHICA

Snow

Nacho's birthday party was a few weeks ago, I noticed that something seems to have happened between Luca and Nacho. They are both constantly avoiding each other, but neither Nacho nor Luca talk about it. Or at least not to me, but as long as I know that they are both doing well, I don't interfere, just like with Nath. He is old enough to decide who he lets into his bed, a grin creeps onto my lips. Recently, when my thoughts drift to a bedroom, I have to think of Flame. Or rather of the things that Flame and I have done in the last few weeks, the sex is just fantastic. I thought after Reed, I would no longer feel like having sex or the other things. But Flame has somehow awakened my desire, I just can't get enough. Not enough of sex or of him, my libido is going crazy. I didn't even know that i could feel like this, sex always felt more like a task that I had to get over with. To please, to please Reed. Not so with Flame, just thinking about sleeping with him again makes me excited and look forward to it, not to the pain like I used to. No, I really look forward to the sex itself. Even if we limit it to the physical, we are getting closer. We talk more to each other and about what we want, something I never did with Reed. But Flame is not Reed, he is different. Without a doubt, Flame is not a person with a clean slate, but he treats me better than Reed ever did. And he also fucks me way better than Reed did.

Even though Flame can be very brusque and rough at times, that really turns me, everything about him does, even though we haven't exhausted everything yet. But I think Flame is considerate of me in that regard, I think he wants me to be completely happy with it. At least I now have enough courage to ask him for sex when I feel like it, which doesn't seem to bother him. Which confirms to me in a good way that I don't have to pretend with him. I lick my lips and I can't deny that Flame looks much better than Reed, he's bigger in every way. He would probably beat Reed by two heads, but I don't lose my will to understand Flame. What I discarded about Reed after a few weeks, Flame is simply an interesting person. I like listening to him, especially when he's deep in thought. Then he murmurs quietly to himself, or when he reads to me. I would never have dreamed that the big bad gangster would read to me. But now he reads to me. Especially after sex, I don't know why. But it relaxes me, and we spend more time together after sex. We don't sleep over at each other's houses, but we don't leave straight after. We usually stay at each other's houses for an hour or two, and most of the time he reads to me. Even things he's written himself, that's something that really surprised me. Flame writes texts, sometimes just short poem-like texts, but sometimes really long texts. He never asks how I found it or anything, but I can always see in his face that he wants to know how I found it.

And Flame writes really well, most of the texts are pretty dark and bloody. But somehow they are always very emotional, he never writes about love. But I have the feeling that he loves writing and that it is a way for him to express himself. To express what is difficult for him to say with words, my hand goes to my other wrist. The one where Flame's bracelet should be, but I can't feel it. Confused, I look at my wrist, it's gone. My eyes go wide, I lost it? Shit, where is it? My gaze wanders restlessly around the lecture hall, did I lose it here? Sophia next to me looks at me confused and asks if everything is OK, I shake my head. "No, I think I lost my bracelet." I explain to her, she pulls a face, "oh, that's sad...but when I come to you later, we can look for it together, right?" She asks, I nod slightly and smile. Even though I'm still feeling restless, I'm definitely going to walk down the halls to see if I've lost it here. What also works in my favor is that, the lecture is close to end.

The unease is still there, even when I enter Alessio's house. I haven't found the bracelet, I don't even know how long it's been missing, since today? Or maybe it's been longer? Did I lose it when I was out with Flame on Saturday? At his house? Or in the club? My thoughts are going crazy, I want this bracelet back. It means a lot to me, I sit down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Where could this bracelet be? I don't know how long I stare at my ceiling, but at some point Sophia sticks her head into my room. She grins slightly, "hey, Alessio let me in. Is everything OK?" She asks as she puts her bag on my small desk and then sits down on my bed. I nod slightly, "yes, I'm just trying to understand where my bracelet might be." I say, she nods slightly. "I have snacks with me, so we can watch a film to distract you." She looks at me and I nod slightly, "yes, that sounds good, maybe Luca and the others want to watch too. They're in the garden, right?" I ask, Sophia nods slightly. "Cool, but maybe you want to tell me something first... mmh?" She asks, confused, I tilt my head. "What do you mean? Did I miss something?" I ask quietly, Sophia grins, "well, I'd like to know if you're fucking with my brother?" She asks me with a serious expression on her face, I'm speechless. How does she come up with that? Has she seen us? I swallow and give her a fake grin, "what do you mean? Me and Flame?" I ask, she nods slightly, I fake laugh.