have me again

1: grey & him

today jisung is going to a funeral. a great-aunt passed and his family is making a huge deal out of it since she was a pillar of the family. or so they say.

all jisung knows is this means he has to fly back to his hometown, which he did last night. he stayed at his parent's place, catching up with them. it seems that both everything and nothing has changed in this town. people married, people died. people gave birth, people died. the gloomy air forever permeated the sky and the people. the memories follow like black fog.

jisung gets into his car, plugging in his phone. grabbing the wheel, he sighs in regret. "why did i have to return?" he mumbles to himself. it's been five years since he fled, five years of grabbing every opportunity by his teeth, going hungry for days so he could survive, having back-to-back classes with little to no breaks, constantly working and doing. surely, but definitely not slowly, jisung got his doctorate in english literature and is now a professor at a local college in his town.

this sudden thrust into the spotlight caused jisung to rethink his life. did he have to run away from everything he knew, run into something completely unknown? but he knows, he knows that he must make this decision, that it was his own. and it was one of his best decisions yet. he loved english, especially the comprehensive parts. he loves taking a piece of literature and ripping it into pieces figuratively. the running away from his problems is just a fact of his life. a by-product of a night spent in hell. 

jisung even got another degree, a masters in psychology, since he loves breaking things down. jisung has never been happier, he is doing things he had never dreamt of doing before he fled. he's educated, he's stable financially. people respect him once again. sort of.

after driving around sightseeing for a bit (his theory stands, nothing changed), he arrives in front of his old apartment. he kept it just in case if he felt the burning desire to return (like hives). his parents or someone they hired came once every couple of months to clean and dust but for the most part, it has been left vacant and unused. he walks up to it, rusted stairs creaking on his ascent. he runs his hand along the railing and grits his teeth when his sleeve catches on the uneven paint coat.

continuing up the stairs, he looks up towards the sky at the sheer mass of ivy vines running unkempt along his walls. it gives the place a bit of home, feeling more cozy than it actually is. this building represents jisung's demise, the old jisung. the jisung that always dreamed of running away. the jisung that always had a mental running list of the things he would take.

sometimes jisung would sit on the steps in front of his little house and wonder if anyone would miss him. of course his parents would, but eventually they would get over it. the hole in their hearts would never heal, but it would become easier for them to live. his friends wouldn't bat an eye. he is easily replaceable, there will be someone better always.

these feelings dogged every step jisung took out of this shit town. he never told anyone he was in town, only when he had just left. he started predicting that people were trying to catch him in his home, his friend found the spare key and leave small notes. things that jisung would softly smile at before throwing them away. nothing ever felt real here, no connection was true.

except one person.

jisung kills that thought while its still fresh. nothing, not any connection, not even he was real.

a sharp ringing sound cuts through the silence as jisung stalks toward the noise. picking up his phone, he says a gruff "hello?"

"jisung! we are meeting at the church in about two hours. i recommend you go early to get your confession in, dear. god knows how long its been since you stepped into his house!" jisung's mother's shrill voice is like a cleaver through his ear drum. his mother is a devout christian who pushes her religion into his throat every year. jisung just goes to please her, and to see if one year god will listen to jisung's pleas.