To Not Love Mr. Perfectly Fine

14

ARYAN

"Fuck." I grunted as Vidit's fist met my jaw with its full force. But before I could recover from it, he threw another hand at my mouth, refreshing the wound on my bottom from the other night. The metallic taste filled my senses. "Where is your mind at?" He spoke through his ragged breaths.

I hadn't slept properly in the past two nights. Partly because I was stressing too hard to find leads of some other international publications which we could collaborate with and partly (mostly) for the realization of how stupid I made myself look in front of Ira. If she hadn't spoken like what Sagar did was no big deal, I wouldn't have lost my calm and I, definitely, wouldn't have said, what I said. And the fact that all she could reply was "I'm sorry for everything" after putting my heart out, was making me feel even smaller for letting out my feelings in the first place. It was clear she didn't care. She never would. But that didn't stop me from feeling guilty that she had called in sick yesterday, which I was sure because she didn't want to face me.

Another surge of embarrassment kicked in, as I finally opened my scorecard with a progression of a cross, left hook, and cross again. He grunted at the impact as he lost his balance, but was back to his normal form within seconds.

"It's about her, isn't it?" He asked. It wasn't news to him that Ira was the woman who had yelled at me at the club on our celebration night and that she worked for Rainbow as well. But all the other things that happened within these few months... I was too busy thinking about her all the time to update him with them.

I went for another jab but he moved faster, blocking it followed by few of his iconic hits, leaving me entirely breathless and not in the position to defend myself.

"You know not speaking about it won't fix your problem, right?" He spoke pulling off his gloves one by one. What was I supposed to tell him? How I had lost myself completely over a girl who didn't give a fuck about me?

"It doesn't matter." I said through my uneven breaths as I slowly stepped out of the ring.

"Right." He nodded his head. "Well, for what it's worth, you shouldn't feel out of place for unworthy people. That's not you."

I heard the words. But all I could think was, what if she is worth everything I could ever have? It was time I should know my position and acted accordingly. Yet I didn't know how to. There was no way I would not run into her, which, I would have liked very much right now.

Vidit didn't push the matter any far. That was one thing I liked about him the most. He knew when to stop and when to cling.

You shouldn't feel out of place for unworthy people. That's not you.

I knew this wasn't me. But now that I've seen it and realized it, I won't let myself slip again. Anything beyond the boundary couldn't be good, could it?

__________

The next day, I walked into the office with the same old faces. I had successfully spent yesterday without the sight of any pretty face which made my heart go crazy. I didn't even bother to inquire about her although every inch of my being wanted to. But I wasn't dreading seeing her today, the way I was till yesterday. Last night's boxing session had eased some of my uneasiness and I was kind of at peace with me not being her first priority. Like ever.

Mental note: be consistent in visiting the boxing gym.

As usual, I got a few cold and lifeless 'good mornings' but the moment I opened the door to my cabin, my eyes immediately landed on a flower bouquet. A frown took over my otherwise normal face.