Voices || Roach x Reader

01: Crazy

"Johnny, where are we?" Ghost asks, the sun is hot humid, and icky. The rest silently agree. Task Force 141 followed after Soap, where he was taking them, was beyond them, they landed in butt-ass nowhere America.

"We're here to see my cousin," Soap said.

"... Johnny... You don't have family," Ghost said slowly knowing the young sergeant didn't have family back in Scottland. Soap whipped his head over offended.

"I have a cousin in America! My mom's sister, to be precise!" Soap snap.

"Mate, why have you never mentioned or shown us a photo of the bloke?" Gaz asks.

"... I don't have any... flattering photo of them."

"... Johnny, are you lying to us?" Price asks wiping his forehead.

BANG!

Everyone jolts, but Roach jumps so high that when he lands his leg gives out and he falls. As the door to the nearest building bursts open, a large eldrich mass of smoke billows out like an elephant stomping through the African plane. People came running out, snot, spit, and tears falling from their faces. The last to leave was a tall figure, built like an MMA fighter then exited slowly. The being flicks off the mask and takes a deep breath in.

"I AM A GOD!" They declared.

"Raccoon!" Soap calls out.

I wipe to face the person, eyes filled with tears, nose free of all flem, I felt purified. I rush over and hug him wiping my face on his shirt, "EW!" Johnny shouts shoving me off as I cackle.

"Johnny! Which one is your boyfriend?" I ask looking them all over my eyes stinging like hell, as I cry uncontrollably.

"NONE!"

"... Did you not tell them—"

"I AM NOT GAY!" I stared at him. That was a big fat lie! The biggest lie you have heard! This man... this fucking man was fruity and you know it.

"Johhny," You place a hand on his shoulder calmly, "we are not the straight cousin." 

"You're not the straight cousin." Johnny corrected.

"Johnny, no straight man has a mohawk and be in the military if they aren't fruity—"

"Will you stop saying I am gay!" Johnny shouts at me shaking me like I am a rag doll.

"THEN STOP ACTING QUEER!"

The two of you fall silent and Johnny begins to pout so heavily I thought he go cry to his boyfriend.... or my mom... probably my mom.

"I am telling Aunty Niamh," Johnny threatens. He turns away phone in hand. I grab my younger cousin by the back of his shirt.

"Oh no you don't," I jump him and we begin to wrestle.

Gaz turns to Roach, then Price and Ghost before looking back at the two bickering cousins. It was mildly funny but Gaz couldn't tell if Soap's cousin was a girl or a guy. Roach taps him on the shoulder and begins to slowly sign. Gaz is still learning, Roach only joined after the suggestion of Ghost, they were long-time battle buddies. Gaz had the roughest idea what Roach was saying, 'Aren't they fun?'

"Mate, those two seem like hot messes," Gaz mumbled under his breath. It was only a few seconds did Ghost stepped forward separating the cousins from each other. Soap kept trying to kick his cousin grumbling and gnashing his teeth at her spouting Scottish insults. 

"Oi one of you tea drinkers translate! I don't understand the sheep fucker language." Soap tore from Ghost's grip as he tackled his cousin to the ground angrily. The two begin to shout both their accents grow thick and hardly able to be translated. One of the men in the back sighs and grabs Soap's cousin and Ghost grabs Soap in a tight iron grasp, the two sides looking incredibly embarrassed for their party.

"Y/n," The guy sighs, "Get a hold of yourself! you have a PhD!" Soap's cousin froze and pushed the guy off him.

"I know Marvin—"

"Act like you are a doctorate." Marvin snaps. Y/n sighs and deflates.

Silence fell between us all before one of Johnny's friends spoke up. "What was all that smoke about?"

"Idiot over here," Marvin begins thumbing to me, "Decided to add a smoke bomb into a move bomb prop, for giggles and accidentally set it off." I glare at Marvin and shrug.

"They wanted something flashy, I gave them something flashy."

"We could have died!" John shouts.

"Can I see?" Johnny turned to me a hint of joy in his eyes. Though I am a few years old, just reaching my late twenties, the last time I saw Johnny in person was when he was still a teen looking at university to attend.

"Sure," I lead him into the building his friends falling behind.

"Tada!" I showed off the little proposal box that would be the bomb situation, "This is for... one of those medical shows," Johnny snatched it from my hands and stared at it grabbing a magnifying glass to see the the little details.

"Bonnie..." Johnny whispers like a little kid getting his first Lego set.

"I know right!"

"How did you design this?"

"Eh... I was high and it just clicked in."

"Yanks..."

"What the fuck are ye talking about?" I ask looking at him stupidly, did he just refer to me as a Yank? What is this Hamilton? Am I an American revolutionary?

"Johnny," The tall buff guy spoke up. Johnny looks up and over at him. "Gunna introduce us?"

"Oh," Johnny spoke up, "This is Y/n or raccoon, or rat, or weasel, or Trash Panda—" I smack in the side of the head.

"This is my military friends, Kyle, Gary, John, and Simon." I nod to them.

"What do you do for a living?" Kyle asks extending his hand for a shake.

"I am a contractor for a PMC or the military for bomb disposal and I also help create move prop bombs... they pay more," I cheekily say.

"Anyways... you guys are on vacation right?" I ask them, the silent one Gary nods happily.

"Well, Johnny wanted to hike the Grand Canyon you want to join?" I asked them, Johnny froze and looked over.

"None of them have hiking clothes—"

"Then go take them to a Bass Pro shop so they can buy shit!" I smack Johnny's arm. He grumbles and turns to his friends.

"I still got some fine tuning to do, Mom gonna love the extra friends you brought always worried about you." 

"Yeah yeah."

141 left the building and turned to Soap, "Your cousin is..."

"Strange?" Soap finish. "Yeah well, I'm pretty sure they got some screws loose in their head."

"Mate," Gaz begins, "Are they a girl or a guy?"

"They nonbinary." 

'They're cute,' Roach signs.

"Stay away from them!" Soap grabs Roach, "Stay away! They'll break your heart because they're stupid!"