It was always you

14

"Liam. It's okay."

He huffs and kicks the tire of a random car as we walk down the street. "It's not okay Lou."

He was right, kind of, it wasn't really okay but it wasn't something I could fight or change. A business owner has the right to refuse service and lately a lot of the small cafes and bars we used to hang out at did just that. Refused to serve us or rather me...Liam was welcome to stay but I was not. There were constant whispers around town and they were all the same. I wasn't welcome.

I wasn't welcome anywhere.

I have been taking college courses online due to the fact that the one time I tried going to the community college campus I couldn't handle it. The stares. The whispers. The names. They could say what they wanted about me but to hear what they called him. Harry. How could he have not turned me in sooner? How could he have been so naïve? The words weren't just about him and I but also him and Nick as well.

I wasn't welcome in Harry's life either it seemed. After that first text it seemed like maybe we could find a way to communicate but I was wrong. I told him that I still felt what I did back then. I told him that I thought of him every day. I told him that I was so happy when he told me I still had a place in his heart...that was when it all went to shit. He told me that he did love me but that he needed space. Space. I could deal with that but then he told me he wanted to give Nick a chance, a real one. He wanted to see if Nick could have a space in his heart too. I wasn't welcome.

I spiraled after that. I went days just sitting in my apartment drinking and looking at pictures. Liam had finally convinced me to get out and try to find something to occupy my time. It wasn't easy. I tried finding a job but not even the burger joint would hire me and they hire almost anyone who can say do you want fries with that? Liam had suggested I get back into photography but no one wanted to hire me for that either. So far Sophie has been nice and lets me take pictures of houses for her real estate company. It was alright but houses wasn't what I'd originally wanted to photograph. Landscapes. People. Those had been what I'd really wanted to make a living with. It didn't seem possible now.

"I've got an idea! Want to see the house I'm buying Sophie?"

I smile at my best friend. "You're buying a house?"

He nods with a dopey smile on his face. "Yep. Complete with a picket fence and on a cul-de-sac."

"How domestic."

After he starts the car and he chooses some rap music station to listen to he starts driving. He drives out of the city about 30 minutes before stopping at a gas station. He tells me he's going to go get some snacks and pay for some gas. Forty bucks in the tank and two packs of beer and some chips later we are back on the road. He pulls into a nice neighborhood and there's a sign that says Drive Slow Children At Play. The house is absolutely perfect. 3 stories. Picket fence. Hardwood floors. 4 bedrooms. 3 bathrooms. The entire third story is an attic. The kitchen is so bright with pale yellow cabinets and white tile floors. Decent backyard with a covered patio.

"Soph is going to love it."

"You think so?"

I nod. "Yeah. Seems like her dream house. Out of the ones I've photographed for her she's told me what she's envisioned her house to be like and this is it."

"I know. It didn't look like this when I bought it. I had new floors put in and the stairs had to be fixed. The plumbing was bad and the plugs had to be updated and grounded. I got the house on a steal but I wanted it to be perfect. I want to propose to her here. I thought I'd light some candles on the patio and put on some soft piano music. What do you think?"

I open one of the beer bottles and sit down on the grass to look at the stars. "I think you my friend have become a total sap."

He laughs and grabs a beer as he sits next to me. "Takes one to know one."

I'm not sure how long we sit there staring at the stars. The clouds dissipate and the sky clears. I won't admit it out loud but the starry night sky has always been kind of beautiful to me. We each have just three beers and then he puts the other six pack in the fridge. We spend time letting the alcohol leave our system by planning out his proposal. He now knows what he's going to wear and exactly what he'll say. He tried asking me if I had someone I was interested in but I quickly navigated the conversation back to him and Sophie. I know he thought for a while that Zayn and I may have been developing feelings. Perhaps if I'd met Zayn at a different time things could be different. I'd gone to visit him a few times and throughout conversations he'd dropped hints that he felt something for me. I don't think it'd be fair if I even tried to start something with him. My heart wasn't even mine to give away anymore. Each little piece of my heart had been captured and owned by the little boy with emerald eyes and curly hair.

Haz💙: boo

My phone pings and I almost drop it after I read the one word message. Harry. He hadn't texted me or anything since he told me he wanted to be with Nick.

Me: Harry?

Haz💙: i made a mistake

Mistake? I quickly type my response asking him what's wrong.

Haz💙: there was a party. i went with Nick and everything was fine until...he wanted to go upstairs. boo...where are you?

My chest tightens. No. Not...not Harry. "Liam. We gotta go. Let's get home."

"Everything okay?"

I shake my head no. I run to his car and wait impatiently as he unlocks his doors. The drive back seems to take longer than it did coming up here. I typed up a response to Harry letting him know I was headed back into town from a night out with Liam. He had stopped texting me.

Me: I'm about 10 minutes from my house. Are you still there Haz?

Haz💙: im at ur window...

Liam parks the car and I'm out before he can even take the key from the ignition. I hear him calling after me but I am only focused on one thing right now. I unlock my front door and throw it open and shut it firmly locking it behind me. I toss my keys on the kitchen counter and make my way quickly to my room and shove my window open. Low and behold he is here. I grab his hand and pull him inside.

"Bubs. What happened?"

He sniffles. "I'm so sorry boo. I made a mistake." He whispers the words then he starts crying.

I close my window and hold him in my arms. He's crying silently and holding me so tight around my waist. I keep my arms around his waist and press soft kisses to his hair. I shush him and tell him it's going to be okay. I don't know what mistake he's talking about but no matter what it is I will make it okay...for him I will make it okay.

"I didn't want to go upstairs." He whispers into my chest.

"Tell me what happened. Start at the beginning."

He nods. "I never should have given him a chance. That was the start of my mistake..."