31. The moon is my death

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Mama told me to stay away from the moon

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Mama told me to stay away from the moon. She said, the brighter the moon shines over me, the deeper I get myself into the dark. I was told to stay inside the house when the full moon appears and I was told to never say a word 'Moon' or it'll bring death to me.

Mama was a superstitious lady, rather, I might call her crazy, lunatic and scary. She was involved with various rituals and superstitious activities and we all had to face it. She used to come home crying and laughing and dancing and doing everything a lunatic would do and I blame the rituals she attended all these years.

A rituals where people worship devil instead of the god. A rituals that promises to give whatever you want in return of human lives, blood and souls. A ritual that turns a sane person into a lunatic.

Mama was never a sane person, she only turned into a lunatic after she joined the rituals. Those rituals made her even more insane day by day that she used to come home and beat me to the extreme for opposing her. Maybe she was used to be on drugs and blamed it on me for giving her the hard life. She did things to me I can't openly say.

She told me to die and give my soul to the Satan everyday because according to her, I was his child. She kept me away from the god, she kept me away from the bright moon since it represents the presence of the god and she kept me away from anything that is holy. She wanted me to return to the Satan and I didn't believe a single thing she used to say.

She was a lunatic. A lunatic that believed in Satanism, a lunatic that worshiped a devil and a lunatic who was ready to sacrifice her own children to prove her love to the Satan.

.

Yes, I eventually feared her. I was a child. A fucking child. I feared whatever she tried to planted in my head. I feared how she used to watch me while I'm sleep and I feared how she tried to feed me her blood. I feared how she tried to drag me with her every night and I feared how she threatened to kill my brothers and sister if I doesn't give my life to the Satan. I feared everything she became after I opposed her.

Maybe, I'm still scared of her. She is dead but the fear of her still remains in the corner of my heart. She has planted fears I could never rip out. She planted a trauma I cannot overcome.

I, fuck, I was afraid to say a word 'Moon' just because Mama told me not to say it. What else could be the greater explanation of trauma if not this? I would have still been scared if not for-

I've pronounced the word 'Moon' almost after twenty five years. And now that I pronounced it, I cannot go back. If it means to bring me death, let it be.

I don't give a fuck to the moon in the sky, but, I'll happily get annihilated if the other Moon wants me to.

Mama wasn't wrong after all.

Moon will bring the death to me-

.

"Dark?" Miss Diaz's voice... Moon's voice echoed in my ears and I opened my eyes. I opened my eyes to the beautiful face. Blue eyes, blonde hair, pink lips. Who needs a morning sun if this is the face you'll waking up to.

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