June 1st,
Happy Pride Month
I'm writing to you because I have no one else to turn to. My life has been a series of dark, painful experiences, and I don't know how much longer I can go on. I'm only 14 years old, but it feels like I've been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders for an eternity.When I was just 9 years old, I was living in a constant state of fear. My father would come home drunk, and I knew what was coming next. He would beat me until I was bruised and bloody. I remember trying to hide the marks at school, but I know the other kids could tell something was wrong. I was eventually taken away from my parents and placed in foster care. I thought things would get better, but the nightmares of my past still haunt me every night.Just a few months ago, my world came crashing down once again. I was walking home from school, and I noticed a group of women following me. I tried to ignore them, but they caught up to me and dragged me into an alley. I was raped by three women, and I was too scared to scream for help. I felt so weak, so powerless. I still haven't told anyone about it because I feel like it was my fault.I've been struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts since the attack. I can't seem to find any joy in life anymore. Every day feels like a battle, and I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like I'm drowning in darkness, and there's no one to save me.My mom is 54 and my dad is 52. I wish I could talk to them about what I'm going through, but I know they won't understand. I feel so alone and misunderstood. I don't know if I'll ever be able to escape this pain and find happiness again.I often think about what it would be like to end my life. I imagine the peace and quiet that would come with it, and it seems so tempting. But then I think about my foster family and the few friends I have, and I know it would devastate them. I don't want to hurt anyone else, but I don't know how much longer I can live like this.I hope that someday someone will find this letter and understand how I feel. Maybe then I won't feel so alone in this cold, dark world. Until then, I'll keep holding on, even if it's just by a thread.With love, Stef
P.S. I hope that sharing my story can help others who are struggling with similar issues.
