Becoming The Mockingjay

The Rescue

"Do you want me to have them sedate you until it's over?" asks Haymitch. He's not joking. This is a man who spent his adult life at the bottom of a bottle, trying to anesthetize himself against the Capitol's crimes. The sixteen-year-old boy who won the second Quarter Quell must have had people he loved--family, friends, a sweetheart maybe--that he fought to get back to. Where are they now?

"No," I say. "I want to go to the Capitol. I want to be part of the rescue mission."

"They're gone," says Haymitch.

"How long ago did they leave? I could catch up. I need to be there-" What? What could I do?

Haymitch shakes his head. "It'll never happen. You're too valuable and too focused on saving her without thinking about yourself. There was talk of sending you to another district to divert the Capitol's attention while the rescue takes place. But no one felt you could handle it."

"Please, Haymitch!" I'm begging now. "I have to do something. I can't just sit here waiting to hear if she died. There must be something I can do! You always sideline me and let others take the risks I should be taking!"

"All right. Let me talk to Plutarch. You stay put." But I can't.

Haymitch's footsteps are still echoing in the outer hall when I pace my way through the hall to find Finnick sprawled out on his stomach, his hands twisted in his pillowcase. I weigh my options heavily before I go ahead and wake him. I promise myself it's out of concern, that I want him to be awake in case anything happens to Annie. Deep down I know the truth is that I can't stand to face this by myself.

As I explain our situation, his initial agitation mysteriously ebbs. "Don't you see, Peeta, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's...it's more than we could hope for!"

Well, that's a sunny view of our situation. And yet the look on his face makes me think Annie's death is something he views as ideal in a worst-case scenario. Finnick has yet to be in battle and yet the war has still taken a heavy toll on him.

There's muttering out in the hall and Haymitch enters Finnick's quarters without a knock. He has a job for us, if we can pull it together. They still need post-bombing footage of 13. "If we can get it in the next few hours, Beetee can air it leading up to the rescue, and maybe keep the Capitol's attention elsewhere."

"Yes, a distraction," says Finnick. "A decoy of sorts."

"What we really need is something so riveting that even President Snow won't be able to tear himself away. Got anything like that?" asks Haymitch.

Having a job that might help the mission--might help Katniss-- forces me into focus. I try to think of what I might say since so much weighs on me being perfect in this moment. President Snow must be wondering how that blood-splattered floor is affecting me. If he wants the rebellion's spirit broken, then I will have to make it whole. I think back to every moment that I have been great, where I have made the audience fall at Katniss's feet because of my words. I need that version of Peeta today, I need him now.

I have some sort of plan made up, and when the television crew's all assembled aboveground, I ask Cressida if she could start out by asking me about Katniss. My best moments have always been in the interviews with Ceasar, so I decide I need to change the stage and reproduce some of my best moments right now with Cressida as my scene partner. I take a seat on the fallen marble pillar where I had my outburst, waiting for the red light and Cressida's question.

"How did you meet Katniss?" she asks.

It's like no time has passed since the Quell interviews. "When I met Katniss, I was five years old. Maybe you remember our first games, in the cave. I told this same story." I smile softly and take a deep breath, recounting how even at such a young age I was captivated by the power Katniss had. Her confidence, her ability to stand up when nobody else would. How the birds stopped to listen when she sang. "I was a coward back then, I was a coward until my name was pulled during our first reapings. I loved her for so long, and I never had the courage to tell her until I was certain I was going to die."