Hold My Hand - A Taekook Love Story.

30 - Have I earned your forgiveness?

Jungkook looked up from the ground where he was sitting, when he heard someone walking closer. In a way, he knew who it was, even without having to look at their face. There were only two people who would care about Jungkook, and one of them knows not to bother when he's thinking. 

Taehyung, however, would try to sneak in, try to offer silent company, no matter how much Jungkook craves solitude. Like today for instance. Today the whole kingdom was celebrating their beloved crown prince's birthday. Everyone except Jungkook, who had been sitting under a shade of a tree and staring at the flowing river the whole morning. He specifically told Jimin not to follow him and that he wished to be alone, knowing very well that the message would be passed to Taehyung as well

But Taehyung, of course, had a knack of disregarding requests like that. He made sure to let his presence know, without making any trouble. He had done that for the past few days as well, when Jungkook seemed to be avoiding him. After the incident with the drunkards, the prince found it a bit difficult to meet the painter's eyes. 

Jungkook hates to admit it, but sometimes it feels kike Taehyung knows him better than he himself does. 

“I want to be alone.” Jungkook said in a calm voice as he stared into the far distance over the river. 

“Hmm.. sure, don't mind me. I won't disturb you at all.”

Jungkook scoffed. Taehyung might say not to mind him, but then he proceeds to sit somewhere closer to Jungkook. True to his words, he's not exactly disturbing, but Jungkook found it hard to ignore that presence. They sat in silence for about 10 minutes before Taehyung spoke up.

“Just so you know, I have some sugar sticks with me. Now before you start reprimanding me, I didn't buy it. I made them.”

That was enough for Jungkook to turn his head and look at Taehyung. Because he knew that Taehyung's current expertise in the kitchen is limited to boiling water, and even that needs occasional supervision.

“Okay, okay. Me and Jin hyung made them. Well, the ones which are perfectly coated in sugar syrup are made by Jin hyung and the ones which look like someone with a severe skin disease are made by me, so if you don't want to eat those, I can understand. I tried several times, but I just couldn't get them to coat evenly. And Jin hyung, of course, would just dip them once and toss into the oil and they come out bloody perfectly. I'm telling you Kookie, I honestly feel like he's a sorcerer specializing in food craft cause there has to be some magic involved. The other day..”

Even as Taehyung proceeded to talk about an insignificant incident that happened a while back, Jungkook knew what he was trying to do. And he had to admit, it was somewhat working. 

“-so then Namjoon was trying to eat but the strings kept tangling in his fingers-”

“Stop talking.”

Taehyung closed his mouth mid sentence and looked at Jungkook, who already had his gaze fixed on him, with a hint of a smile. 

“If you talk this much, your mouth will start to hurt.”

Taehyung gave a soft smile. “I can talk for hours, if it meant you would not be having upsetting thoughts.”

Jungkook didn't say anything after that, and after a few seconds, extended his hand in Taehyung's direction. “Well, let's have those sugar sticks then.”

Taehyung quickly scooted over to sit next to Jungkook, before taking the small box out of the bag he was carrying. He gave it to Jungkook, who took it with a small smile. Once he opened the box, he saw that the sugar sticks clearly belong in two separate sets. Perfect looking ones and.. Well, not so perfect looking ones. And Jungkook knew what he was doing, when he opted to pick an imperfect one first.

“Hmm..” Jungkook hummed appreciatively. “It's good.”

Taehyung let out a relieved breath. “I'm glad.”

Jungkook pushed the box towards Taehyung, and the latter took a piece as well. For a little while, the only sound around them was the sugar sticks munching. Once they were done, Jungkook wiped his hands from a piece of cloth given by Taehyung.

“Kookie?”

“Hmm..?”

“I- I don't know what to do.”

Jungkook turned to look at the elder with a slightly confused gaze. “About?”

“You.” Taehyung sighed. “It breaks my heart to see you upset. I want to fix everything. I want you to be the happy person I knew from before. But I just don't know how to do it.”

“What are you-”

“I know played the biggest part in what happened to you. Believe me, Kookie, I never meant to hurt you like this, and I'd do anything… anything, to have things turn back to the way they were. What should I do? Should I wish to travel back through time? And have a second chance of doing things differently? To what point should I return though? Should I go back to the time you first came to my house? Perhaps if I treat you like the precious gem you are to my heart, you would not be so sad today.

Or how about the time where your father came to me with that command? Had I not accepted it, you'd be spared of this big mess today. But you'll still be crying over an unrequited love and maybe mourning my death as well, so maybe a better place would be that day where I told you I like you. If I had only kept my feelings to myself, would we still remain friends? You would not have been ridden with guilt and your father would not have a reason to seek the bastard who broke your heart. Or..”

Taehyung paused for a few seconds, making Jungkook part his tight lips as well. “Or?”

“Or how about the day we first met?” Taehyung's voice had a strange melancholy to it. “Would it be better to never know someone as unworthy as me? However unintentionally, I was the one who brought the tears to your eyes. If you hadn't met me, none of this would have happened.”

There was silence for a long time after that. Taehyung was stuck in his never ending thoughts of regret and Jungkook was.. well, he was in deeper thoughts. But he had one important question to ask.

“If you had the chance, which point would you return to?” Jungkook's eyes looked as if they wanted to pierce through Taehyung's soul. “Which turn of my life would you alter?”

Taehyung didn't know the exact answer to Jungkook's question. He didn't know which one he would choose. But he knew for sure, which one he wouldn't.

“I don't know, but I know it won't be the last one. I cannot live in a world where I never met you. The memories I have of you are the fondest ones in my life. These past few months, I think I got a glimpse of how you felt. How it really felt to be ignored by the person whom you love. I must apologize for being so selfish, Kookie. I'm more selfish than you can imagine, than even I can imagine. Because I prefer your tears over you not knowing me, as long as you let me wipe those tears. As long as you let me hold you, and take care of you, love you… I don't think I'd want to change anything.”

Again, they sat in silence. Taehyung's heart was beating for what must be thousand times per minute, for he had finally spoken his deep, dark secret aloud. He had bared his heart for the prince to see, to accept or to trample in to dust, and Taehyung was ready to take it all. Ready to soar high or crash and burn. 

He was ready to wait as long as the prince needed as well. 

After what felt like an eternity, Jungkook turned to look at Taehyung. “Okay.”

Taehyung blinked a few times. “O-okay?”

“Okay, you can wipe my tears. And… all that.”

Taehyung was frozen for a few seconds, still unable to process what Jungkook said, or the faint smile on the young prince's face. It had a hint of shyness in it, something that Taehyung had not seen in a long while. He slowly reached for Jungkook's hand, and held it gently.

“You really mean it?” Taehyung whispered, as he lifted Jungkook's hand and placed a faint kiss over to the back of it. “Have I really earned your forgiveness?”

Jungkook didn't answer. Well, not with words at least. But the way he leaned in and rested his head on Taehyung's shoulder, was a good enough answer to them both.