LOVING BEYOND LIMITS - loving me will give you pain....

CH-26 Lost and... alone ~

- Purnima POV -

I accepted my fate.

And now i think, i should prepared myself strong, for the upcoming challenges and hurdles after being married.

Marriage was a very big responsibility and it's challenging at the same time, and when you married someone, whom you loved from the bottom of your heart and he also felt same for you, then the situation became easier, as you had someone beside you, who knows you better than you own self and understands and prioritize your distinct perspective on different circumstances; respectfully and equally.

But when you married someone who was a complete stranger to you, your half of the life passed in understanding him and when you finally abled to understand him, untill then alot of the time had been passed away and amidst all these, you had to adjust as per his preferences, along with uncountable comperimises and sacrifices through all together. Even most of the times you had to compressed your actual needs, desires and sometimes dreams also, cause you do not want this so called society to gave you a disrespectful wife tag for lifetime and taunt you along with it, and most often you suppressed your desires cause you did not know how exactly your partner will react or respond to it.

Even if i let all these things aside for a moment, still you do not know how your in laws will be??, how they will behave with you, a complete different surrounding, far away from what you had been brought up to. How will you going you adjust yourself well along with them, cause it's obvious different person had different personality and perspective. What if they also turned out to be those kind of in laws; shown in TV serials and all, what if they will also torture me??, and what if my husband will also took their side then, cause lets just assume, i was just an ordinary girl or with that said his wife whom he just had been married for a week or something, so in that sense why would he even listen to someone whom he just get married for about a week instead of his own family or parents, around whom he had grown up and spent the most of his times.

" Ahhhgrhhh !! " , i screamed in frustration.

I closed the dairy in a swift motion and huffed deeply while closing my eyes.

" what the hell i was even thinking, i really need to stop my overthinking brain or i will ended up messing everything, which i do not want either "

I said in my mind to myself.

" Whatever will happen, i will face it from now onward; strongly and courageously. Cause this time i can not just be week and let other overpowers me " , i controlled my inner storm and said in my mind again.

I placed the dairy and pen on the side and put my feet down on the floor and stood up from the swing, turning my steps forwards; leaning my body a little against the railing and stared down at the silent and empty road.

I sighed deeply; closing my eyes.

Enough is enough, now i was in the middle of this situation, wheather it's do or die for me.

And i could not be this selfish to dishonored my own father pride infront of the whole village's peoples and relatives.... i just could not; it's not me.

i could not able to stop myself and even after trying hard not to again think about all these things.... but still somehow i ended up thinking about all these again and again, it's like i was running... running and running and gods knows from whom i even running away though.

Was it me ?, my past ?, my pain ?, my unfortunate fate ?, Or my feelings for him, which i was denying every second ?..... OR was it him..??? From whom i was running.

Goshh!! What the hell was happening...

I do not know... i do not from whom i was running away at this moment and neither i know that the decision i took was right or wrong.... i do not know.... i sometimes felt alone, empty, lonely, and mostly lost.