Wouldn't You Like to Know?

Seventeen

Seventeen

He was at her door. Of course, he was. Penelope had gone straight home intending to open a bottle of wine and drown her feelings in Taylor Swift loudly. However, she had only popped the cork on a bottle when there was a loud knock on her door. "Penelope!" she heard Colin's voice from outside. "Pen, open the door!"

Penelope left her bottle of wine on the counter and walked to the front door. She peered through her keyhole and stared at him. "Go away!" she shouted.

He banged on the door again. "Come on Pen. I've got to talk to you. You don't know the whole story!"

She opened the door, and glared at him. "You lied to me! For years! For years, you told me that you and me were better off friends and the whole time you liked me! You were.... I shouldn't even tell you. You don't deserve it."

Colin smirked, and she hated him. "I know I was your first."

Penelope made a face. "How? I told you I had lost it at summer camp."

"Pen, you told me you lost it to someone named Chace Badgley."

"So?" Penelope said.

"You made me watch Gossip Girl enough times with you that I remember the names of the actors and you used to doodle Mrs. Chace Crawford on your notebooks."

Penelope bit her lip. "Why didn't you tell me? Was I not good enough for you?"

Colin shook his head. "It wasn't that at all, Pen. I wasn't good enough for you. I was too caught up in my career, and the studio wanted to use the fake relationship between Marina and me to date. And then she got pregnant and you said I should marry her."

Penelope sighed. "I thought it was yours."

"It wasn't. I was going to tell you the night before your father's embezzling scandal was released on Whistledown Blast and then...then you stopped talking to me," said Colin, "she was in love with her best friend too. It took us both a really long time to understand that we weren't what the other one wanted, because it was better for our careers if we were together."

"What about prom?" Penelope asked. "Why did you say what you said to those people? That you only invited me because your mother made you?"

He grimaced. "Because I'm stupid," he said, "and I didn't know you were there, when I said that."

"That doesn't help, Colin. You and I were friends. You were my best friend, and that's saying something, because once upon a time, Eloise was a close second. Everyone always called you an untalented, rich asshole and I always defended you."

Colin raised an eyebrow. "Who called me that?"

She glared. "That's hardly important."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I'm truly sorry. I let myself get caught up in everything."

"Look," said Penelope, "I think it's best if we don't see each other for a while. I can't do this and you...you make life hard for me. I'm trying to focus on my career and the last thing that I need is someone distracting me from it."

"Pen------"

She put her hand up. "If you need anything else, you can e-mail me for work stuff only. I'm going to have a bigger load now that Lulu's got this movie deal, and I'm...I'm really tired of people thinking I'm not good enough. You, my mother, Eloise.... I am so much more than you will ever know, Colin. So don't come back. I used to look to your approval so much. But I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm an adult woman, and I don't need Bridgerton's or anyone else to tell me my worth."

"I know how amazing you are, Pen," he insisted.

"Do you really?" she said. "Then why are you always hiding me?"

He paused, as if he hadn't considered that. "I never wanted to hide you. You were the one who told me we should just be friends, for my career."

"I---" Pen started to argue, and she realized that she was right. She had told him that she wanted to be friends, because Marina had got into her head that she wasn't the "right" sort of girl for him. Teenage Penelope had been foolish enough to believe her. She hadn't realized then that looks weren't the only thing that was important.

"I've always wanted you, Penelope," he said, "for as long as I've known you, it was you that has been the one that I want."

Part of her wanted to give in. To let her into her home, and her bed, and be with him. But it was like rubbing salt in an open wound. "It's too late," she said.

Colin shook his head. "You're wrong. It's not too late."

"Why didn't you just ask me out?" Penelope demanded. "When you found out about Marina, your immediate thought was that we should be in a fake relationship. Why didn't you just ask me out instead?"

Colin coughed. "I....I mean...."

"Exactly," said Penelope, "so you can loudly declare to me that you want me as many times as possible, until you actually do something to prove it, I want nothing to do with you."

He frowned. "I know your secret, Pen."

She stiffened. "What secret?"

"I know that you're actually Lulu. I know that your books are about us. You can't tell me that you want nothing to do with me when you've been screaming on the page, years later, how desperately you do."

Penelope turned bright red. "I---I----I don't know what you're talking about. I'm her assistant."

"The football field scene," Colin Bridgerton said, "the Playboy Bunny outfit. It reminded me of you. Then Eloise told me you were the Whistledown Blast creator, and I put two and two together. You said that I would never want to kiss a girl like you, Pen, but I did. Even back then, I really, really, did want you. I'm sorry I was too much of an idiotic teenage boy and I didn't tell you the truth sooner."

She shook her head. "You didn't pick me, though. No matter how much you liked me, you still went and you chose Marina instead of me because you thought she was better for your career. I.... I mean it, Colin. I can't do this. I can't be your little secret again." She slammed the door in his face, and locked it. For the first time in a long time, she felt strong.

She could hear him out there, banging on the door, but she went upstairs, to her room and ignored it. The same way that he had ignored her for so many years when she had been right there, and wanted him so desperately in a way that had been impossible to hide even though she had tried.