Wouldn't You Like to Know?

Twenty-one:

Twenty-one

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" Colin Bridgerton had been prepared for a bad reaction. He hadn't been prepared for quite that bad of one when Penelope did finally deign to talk to him. Which, as it turned out, took a whole month of fucking up his life royally.

He started with a leaked news item that Eloise printed in her newspaper about him having drunkenly mixed up his girlfriend's job as assistant with Lulu Rochester. Penelope's own radio silence on the subject, as well as some posts on the Lulu Rochester account explaining the mix-up, had helped to collaborate the story.

The next had been to do a series of humiliating things to attract attention away from the story. First, a public display of intoxication.

Second, the release of a few tasteful nude photos (although, realistically, there wasn't anything tasteful about them. There had been some strategic whipped cream placed).

And third, a very large, very public billboard declaring that he loved Penelope in Times Square. It had all seemed like a great, romantic gesture at the time, but judging from the tone in Penelope's voice, he didn't think his attempts at distraction from his behavior had gone over well.

"Pen, I'm so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to share that you were Lulu. I wanted there to be no secrets between us. I thought that if we put everything out into the open, if you could finally be yourself, maybe you wouldn't be so scared of being with me."

Penelope, on the other end of the line, huffed. "No, you didn't think, Colin. You're being over dramatic and Bridgerton! This is just like the time Anthony had that stupid drag race with Simon because of the whole Daphne thing that nearly killed them both. Only, Simon and Anthony both eventually respected Daphne's wishes. You completely ignored mine and now, there are people who still believe I'm Lulu! I created that pen name for a reason."

"But why?" Colin said. "You're clever, Penelope. People should know that."

"Smut might be popular, Colin, but it was my secret to tell. People still have issues with women writing about things that men have been writing about for ages. Besides, I didn't want my mom and sisters to know either. It was for me."

Colin took a deep breath. "I...I hadn't thought of that before."

"Because you didn't think," she said, "you grew up in the public eye. It's normal for you. You've never stopped to consider that someone might not want that life for themselves. I appreciate that you were trying to have some honesty between us, and I am sorry I didn't tell you who I was----I should have. But can you honestly say I haven't been given a reason to not tell you?"

Colin clenched his jaw. "Pen, I was a teenager when you knew me. I'm not a teenager now."

"But you were still hiding things from me," she said, "you made me believe that you were never interested in me. That we couldn't be more than friends!"

"You told me to date Marina!" he said. "You told me that you thought that it was the right thing to do for my career."

"Don't try to blame this on Marina," Penelope said, "she came to see me. I know all about her side of things."

Colin's heart pounded against his chest. "Marina came to see you?"

"Yes, Colin. Shortly after you decided to expose me to the world, she came to talk to me. She felt that there were some things that needed to be cleared up between us. She ended up reading the book, and she said she was sorry for the way she had treated me when she knew me."

"That's all I'm trying to do!" Colin said. "That's all I've been trying to do."

"I'm sorry Colin," Penelope said, "I don't know that I can be with you after this. I think I need some time alone. Please, give me that."

"Pen----"

The call ended, and he was left staring at the phone. Shit. He had done something unforgivable. Even though he had tried his hardest to cover it up, he didn't know if Pen would ever forgive him for it. Grand gestures hadn't worked. How could he make her? He was out of ideas. But he had to win her back.

Somehow.