Once we had all departed to our classes I noticed Hoshi seemed to be avoiding me. He never looked in my direction or showed any sign of awareness toward my presence.
Was he really still upset that I was so rude that day? Can’t he give me a chance to apologize?
I guess his behavior is reasonable, I wouldn’t want to talk to a messed up kid like myself either.
The teacher dimmed the lights and started the movie. Throughout the class I found myself glancing at Hoshi an awful lot. So much so that he sighed and pulled out a sticky note and pen.
What do you want? He wrote, sliding the paper across the desk to me.
Nothing.
Then stop looking at me.
Sorry.
Look, I’m only being nice because my friends are making me.
‘My Friends’. The way he phrased his words upset me. They were my friends too, weren't they? Maybe we weren’t close enough to be called friends. I guess I was just flattering myself.
I just wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have ignored you yesterday. I was just too nervous to say or do anything. I hoped written apologies were just as sincere and serious as the ones normal people said aloud. I wanted him to know that I truly did feel bad.
It’s okay. I just kind of wish you had at least smiled considering I so kindly offered you a seat because I knew no one else would want to sit with you. He folded his arms and waited for me to write my response.
I was taken aback. Of course I knew that it would be awkward for other students to sit with me because of our lack of available communication but was it true that no one would want to sit with me? Wasn’t there someone in this room who would feel glad, maybe even proud to be my seat partner?
Nailen had discouraged me along with my dad, making me doubt myself more than ever. Now here Hoshi was draining all of my hope of making any friends.
Hoshi didn’t even want to sit with me that was for sure but I held onto the hope that someone would. I bet his friends were only being nice to me because they felt bad. I hated people taking pity toward me. I’d rather them just pretend I wasn’t there.
I thought about writing back. Something just as rude as what he said to me. But I know I don’t have the courage. He waited expectantly for me to write back. He must of thought I had some bold, anger inside of me. But he's wrong, whenever I'm angry it always saturates into sadness. A choking, sofocated, antagonizing sadness.
I pushed the paper back over to him without responding and left. Right in the middle of class. I just stood up and dipped. This was a huge step for me. I should be proud, and I would be if I could think through the tears that poured from my eyes.
I ran as fast as I could, almost tripping on the carpet. I locked myself in the art room and leaned against the wall. Tears tore through my throat and my nose was stuffy. I sat down against the wall beside the heavy metal door and cried, pulling my knees tight against my chest.
I hated how sensitive I was. It made me so mad, why did I have to be cursed with the worst personality?
Hoshi’s POV
I noticed the hurt expression on Jihoon’s face after he read the note I’d handed him. I noticed how his hands began to tremble and the beginning of a wave of tears.
I didn’t feel bad and I wasn’t worried because I didn’t think he would actually start to cry. But he slid the note across the table without writing anything back and ran out of the classroom.
YOU ARE READING
Mimic Me
Fiksi PenggemarHis hands are warm and his smile is kind I can not hear him but he doesn't mind And though he doesn't understand the words that I signed I feel like our thoughts and words are still intertwined My stress and my anger make my teeth start to grind He'...