KILLSHOT - Alastor x Lucifer human AU

Chapter 11 - Pathetic

TW!!: Angst (Lucifer), smut-talk, wounds

ART NOT MINE!! All credits to the creator!!

-Lucifer-

I woke up slowly, hugging my pillow tightly. I yawned deeply, noticing a foggy headache and deciding to go back to sleep, hugging my pillow a bit tighter. Suddenly, a muffled groan was heard from over my head, I could feel warm breath stroking my head. My eyes went big and I looked up slowly, meeting brown, tired eyes. My heart skipped a beat when I realised, that this was Alastor. 

I quickly let go of him and shuffled back, sitting on the other side of the bed. Alastor sat up too, leaning on the wall next to his bed. He grabbed his glasses, while mumbling: "Good morning, Louis." All I could do was stare at him, trying to process what we did the other night. Alastor seemed to notice, because he asked: "What's wrong, my dear?" 

I rubbed my eyes, answering: "I don't know if I just dreamt it, or if we really...did the deed last night." Alastor chuckled silently, then answering in a dark tone: "Oh but we absolutely did, Luci~. I can see the marks on your throat from over here...".

I rushed over to the mirror on his wall, inspecting the countless wounds and hickeys on my upper body. I sighed, after having to witness the poor state I was in, I really had to stop drinking! After all, I didn't want to end up like my dad...

Alastors voice snapped me back into reality: "Like what you see?" I glanced over at him, shrugging: "I don't know. All I know is, that my whole body hurts- because of you!" Alastor chuckled yet again, while getting out of bed too. "You are not the only one, Louis. I'm hungover too", he walked up to me, "How about some pancakes before you head off to work?" 

I sighed deeply, leaning against the wall behind me: "Oh fuck, right...work. My boss is going to freak out if I am appearing hungover again!" Alastor raised a brow: "You're drinking often?" I sighed, looked at the floor while answering: "I did a year ago, when I was 21. My boss was the one who saved me from becoming like my dad. I was almost completely clean, when I met you and we drank the Whiskey. I'm afraid that I'll fall back into excessive drinking and wil lose my job once and for all!" Alastor gently stroked my head, calming my nerves down: "You won't relapse, trust me. I will watch over you next time we are out together."

I looked up at him in excitement: "Next time?" Alastor nodded: "I happen to enjoy spending time with you", his eyes went a bit darker, "Especially the time we had last night~." I looked away, blushing at the thought of it, not knowing if I felt comfortable with what had happened. I was just so drunk, what if I just did it because of the alcohol? I mean, I didn't really love him, right? I was just there for business, to get closer to solving the puzzle, right?

Alastor snapped me back into the moment once again: "Well, darling, let's go and get breakfast, time isn't stopping for us!" I followed the energetic man, rubbing my hurting head. But it didn't hurt just from the alcohol, but much rather of the racing thoughts.

--------------------------------------------

We've had breakfast together, having a free view on the living room and the couch. It was really akward, because we both seemed to think about what happend last night. It felt more than a dream than reality, but the marks on my body, hurting with each move I made, reminded me that it did indeed happen.

Alastor insisted on driving me home, I gladly accepted because I really din't want to walk all these kilometres. When we finally arrived, Alastor held me back on my arm, asking: "Lucifer, I didn't make you uncomfortable, right?" I looked up into his concerned eyes and my heart started to hurt a little. I shook my head and quickly answered: "No! It's alright." Alastor looked at me, seemingly seeing through my lies, but he didn't stop me when I got out of the car and walked up to my flat.

I entered my room and once I closed the door, I collapsed on my knees, panting heavily, holding my head. My thoughst were racing:

"You drank too much, you're becoming like your father! You are worthless and guilty! And now look at you, falling in love with a man you suspected to be the murderer! You even slept with him, not even knowing him for a damn week, neglecting your duties!", I sobbed heavily, answering out loud: "But I do love him! He's not the bad guy!" 

My thoughst were laughing back at me: "You're pathetic, no wonder your dad hit you when you were younger, no wonder you fled home! You're a fucking weakling, a dissapointment! You should've died instead of all these victims!" I hit my own head, begging my thoughts to stop, but they wouldn't, still crashing down on me like waves.

I curled up into a tiny ball, when the voices around me repeated the same words over and over again: "You don't deserve happiness!"