The day passed by so quickly. Our work immersion ended three weeks ago. Then, two weeks ago, our retreat concluded. It was required for all graduating students. Nakakalungkot at nakaka-inggit lang sa part na may bigayan doon ng letter, particularly letter galing sa mga magulang. Since Chad and I no longer have parents, we ended up writing letters to each other. Chad's message was short, but it still made me cry.
Crizan,
I hope you'll be successful in whatever path you'll choose. I'm grateful that you're my sister in this lifetime. Ikaw at ikaw pa rin ang bunso ko.
All love,
Kuya Oliver
I'm thankful because Chad is there for me. I probably wouldn't survive each day without him. He's all I have. So sometimes, I can't help but think life is unfair. 'Yung ibang tao, may kumpletong pamilya... samantalang ako, I only have Chad.
Life's really unfair.
Katulad noong graduation, walang nagsabit sa amin ng medalya. Only our teacher did. Chad and I aimed for so much achievement... pero ang pagkakaroon ng buong pamilya ang kahit kailan ay 'di namin maa-achieve.
I also got a full scholarship to DLSU. Thankfully, the world has been kind to me in some ways. Life isn't really as unfair as I thought... because after all those things, something beautiful still happens.
"I missed you, Ley!"
And being with my friends again is what I also find beautiful. Gosh, na-miss ko sila ni Erich! I mean, we haven't seen each other for almost a year. Dati kasi, Ley and my brother had a thing. They broke up, so we drifted apart.
I really don't recommend being in a relationship within the same circle of friends. Nadadamay 'yung wala namang kasalanan, gosh!
"Gago ampota, 'di man lang ako sinabihan. Hi, Emcy! Shala, ang pangit mo pa rin!" si Erich.
I laughed. "At ang talas pa rin ng bibig mo! I missed you, Erich."
After Chad's game, I went straight to Tito Paulo's house. As usual, I went there to clean. While I was cleaning, napatingin ako sa picture namin ni Chad na nasa cabinet. It was us when we were in grade 10.
Ang cute lang. Chad's right arm was around my waist, and his other hand was raised, holding his diploma. I was laughing in the picture. It looked so good. Tito Paulo had taken that photo.
I took a photo of it and posted it on my Instagram story. Hindi na ako naglagay ng caption. I just added a music na instrumental.
After cleaning, nakatulog agad ako dahil sa pagod. Almost a month din kasi akong 'di nakabisita dito. Chad always had basketball practice, so he hadn't been able to come either. Kaya pala laging ganadong mag-practice, may pinopormahan na sa laro!
I woke up around four o'clock. Nangunot ang noo ko nang may maamoy na adobo. I had fallen asleep in the living room, so I smelled it right away. Chad must be here since I had a blanket when I woke up.
"May date sana kami ni Ley kanina, naging bato pa," pagku-kwento niya sa 'kin habang naghahanda siya ng plato. "Kumain ka na, napagod ka siguro."
"Kaya ka panay ngiti noong isang araw! Hindi mo man lang ako sinabihan na nakita mo sina Ley, gosh!" Tinawanan ko siya. "Matanong ko lang, ikaw ba... sure ka na kay Ley? Don't get me wrong! Kilala kita, pero kaibigan ko rin si Ley. Ayokong makitang nasasaktan kayong dalawa."
"I still love her, Emcy," sagot niya. "Alam mo 'yon? Noong makita ko siya ulit, parang kahit anong kaya niyang i-offer sa 'kin, malugod kong tatanggapin. Hindi na ako naghahangad."
I stared at him. I couldn't help but wonder, is there anyone else like Chad? Kasama ko na siya ilang taon, kaya alam ko kung paano siya umakto at magmahal. Saulado ko na siya. Mas gusto niyang masaktan kesa ang makasakit.
And as if someone answered my question, or he's the answer for it, I received a message from an unexpected person.
benjchavez
I miss you.
Napainom tuloy ako ng tubig. Did he mean it? I mean, since the day he said he wouldn't bother me anymore, he really didn't. I thought hindi na nga kami mutual dahil wala na akong nakikitang story mula sa kaniya. Hindi ko rin naman siya ini-stalk dahil wala naman akong pakialam. It was my choice to have him leave me alone.
I finished my meal and ignored his message. I told Chad I would sleep here because I had something to do. Ang lalago na ng halaman sa garden, kaya 'yon ang pagkakaabalahan ko kinabukasan. Chad went home immediately because he had an early schedule the next day.
Nagtungo ako sa kwarto ko. As I reached the door, I suddenly stopped and stared at the signage in front. My nickname, given by Tito Paulo, was engraved on it. Tito also made it.
Crizan.
I smiled.
Nang makapasok sa loob ay agad kong dumapa sa kama at kinuha ang phone ko. I tapped Benjamin's name. Should I reply or not?
Wala namang mawawala sa 'kin 'pag nag-reply ako... sige na nga.
Pero ano ang ire-reply ko? I miss you too? Duh, cannot be! I looked at the ceiling to think. Barahin ko na lang kaya siya? Tama, doon naman ako magaling! I was about to type a reply when I accidentally pressed the call button.
Oh my gosh!
Nag-panic agad ako at pinatay 'yon. Nasisiguro kong online siya dahil narinig kong nag-ring ng isang beses! Tinakluban ko tuloy ang mukha ko ng unan. Tangina, nakakahiya! Baka isipin niyang gusto ko siyang kausap!
Dasal ako nang dasal na sana hindi niya 'yon pansinin. Na sana naka-quiet mode ang account niya. Pero tangina, bigla na lang nag-ring ang phone ko at nakita kong tumatawag siya. Bumigat ang paghinga ko.
Sasagutin ko ba?!
Dali-dali akong nagtatakbo para makita ang sarili ko sa salamin. Shit, naka-headband pa pala ako! Kaso 'pag tinanggal ko 'yon ay bubuhaghag ang buhok ko. Hindi pa ako nakakapag-suklay! Nasaan ba ang suklay ko?! Bigla na lang nawala!
I paused for a moment.
Bakit ko ba iniisip ang itsura ko?! It was a damn audio call!
Huminga ako nang malalim bago sagutin ang tawag niya. "Hello?"
"It took you so long before you answer," sambit niya. His voice was clear and deep. Kahit siguro mahina ang internet connection ko, maiintindihan ko pa rin siya.
"Basa kasi 'yung kamay ko... pinunasan ko pa. That's why I accidentally pressed the call button earlier," I lied. Of course I'll lie about that! Baka kung ano pa ang isipin niya.
"Hmm... Okay. Anything to say?"
What a nerve! He's the one who said he missed me! Tapos anything to say?!
"Nakakainis ka pa rin," I told him, rolling my eyes.
"I can imagine you rolling your eyes." He laughed.
Buti alam mo!
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes again as I ended the call.
Dapat lang na i-end 'yon kasi first of all, wala naman kaming pag-uusapan. Pangalawa, hindi ko naman sinasadyang pindutin 'yung call button kanina. Pangatlo, hindi ko naman kasalanang tumawag din siya. Nasa lahi niya siguro ang pagiging gaya-gaya.
Pero ewan ko ba sa sarili ko, matapos kong i-end 'yon ay nakatambay pa rin ako sa conversation namin, hinihintay ang sasabihin niya. Nang makita kong typing siya ay agad akong napaupo.
benjchavez
Ouch. Ayaw mo na talaga akong kausap hahaha hindi mo ba ako miss?
I bit my lower lip.
Okay, fine, miss ko siya ng slight. Slight lang! Kahit nakakainis naman ang lalaking 'yon, may sense pa rin naman 'yung ibang sinasabi niya. And since I don't want to admit that to him, I typed a reply that I would surely regret tomorrow.
maicahcrizan
see you tomorrow. sweet escape. 11 am.
