Gotta Catch Em All!

4

LMFAO I FUCKING DIED 💀

I adore the fact I made this and never fucking used it like I was going to simply because I was too lazy to do it. I won't even lie, I forgot this app existed and I also forgot that I wrote fanfiction at one point.

Anyway. Uh. Hi, I'm alive. A lot has happened. I mean A LOT.

I can't remember if I ever wrote about it here (too lazy to check) but back in 2020-to now I was/am going through hell with my family. It was a generally abusive environment, not really physically just emotionally and manipulative and kind of neglect? Not physical neglect just general disregard for my health.

Shortest explanation I can give:
My grandmother fucking hates my guts. Would treat me like shit and made my c-PTSD even worse than it already was and probably aided in the development of BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder, not Bipolar Disorder), then she would turn around and lie about how she treated me to my mother who was always at work or sleeping. My mother never actually stood up to her ever, she'd give her excuses like "She's from a different generation" or "She's just her, ignore it". Which wasn't ok. Eventually we get kicked out for a reason I can't remember all I know is that I was specifically kicked out. My mom just took me and my brothers with us. We lived with my second family (the kids I use to babysit/was babysitting at the time) for a good while. Eventually moved back in with her and things were decent for a bit before returning to how it always was. During our moving process to a bigger and more comfortable home my grandmother caused several panic attacks and possibly autistic meltdowns (No idea if I actually have autism but I have been told by many people I probably have it 😭). During that time of the move I was going through a lot of social struggle and relationship drama plus suicidal thoughts and a few relapses. What made it worse is my mom and step dad were splitting up at the time and basically way to much change for my life to handle so I was HIGHLY unstable. I ended up getting into a really fucked up relationship with a guy younger than me by a lot because he wouldn't stop asking and he was decent-ish. That ended badly within three months when A LOT of drama in my family happened (the usual grandma hates me and ma not doing anything about it but more extreme). Apparently some fucking how my wonderful grandma heard me saying I'm going to kill her, which is a lie by the way I never said anything about murder??? I was literally cleaning the bathroom while talking to myself about my poor emotional control because that's how I process things for some reason. Anyways she is suddenly scared of me and wants us out so we leave my mom basically uses my (step)dad to afford an apartment. Also worth mentioning the relationship I was in during this, the guy sexually assaulted me several times (I didn't know at the time cuz I am poorly informed about what actual consent is and the whole if he kept asking and or guilt trip you it's not consent) but my final straw with this asshole was when he decided to jerk off next to me WHILE HOLDING ME WITH ONE ARM AFTER I SAID NO TO SEX BECAUSE TRAUMA CUZ MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER WHO MOLESTED ME GOT OUT THAT DAY. I stayed with him until Valentine's Day where he spent 200 dollars on me before leaving so I got my petty revenge basically. Anyways back to the actual drama. I started getting really mentally ill more than usual, not suicidal just not here. Dissociated. I fell behind because I was in and out of the hospital and actively fighting dark intrusive thoughts especially after bio father got out of prison. Now recently my mom basically officially said F U to my dad and went to this shit alcoholic dickwad who hilariously broke her heart again. So a few weeks later when she's like we moving back with your grandmother I was like nope. I'm going with Dad. She she got really hurt and said bye and took my little brother so now it's just me and my dad together. We're leaving to a different state in a few months, if she actually passes guardianship. Oh and during all that recent drama my only IRL were either dropped by me because they were awful to me or they dropped me. I have screenshots but I don't feel like blacking out users and shit so I won't show it but it was like bullshit. Done.

On the plus side my dad is awesome and I'm basically with a guy who actually is pretty dope who lives very far away from me. Oh and my cat is adorable.

Bad side is I'm being yeeted into adulthood way to early without being eased into it and I'm not coping well.

But I'm alive so yeah. A lot.

Uhhhhh idk what else to talk about except the fact I'm writing this after watching two FNAF theory videos, one was two hours and the other was 8:45:32 and I didn't sleep just got done eating and have the desperate urge to re arrange shit but cannot because very low energy. I think I'ma sleep for a bit.

Tschüss (German for Bye I think idk I can't think)