Over The Fence

thirty

Ali

I stayed in the hospital for one more night before I was discharged, and Travis wheeled me out in a wheelchair to the car where my brother, my Mom, and Concrete were waiting for us. Travis and Mom kept giving me sympathetic looks as my husband helped me into the very back of the car, and Austin looked so guilty that he couldn't even look at me. I just curled up in the backseat, taking Concrete out of her little travel carrier and cuddling her to my chest.

I gave a tiny nod when Travis asked if I was alright, and he lingered for a moment before going to get in the driver's seat. Mom glanced back at me from the passenger seat, and then looked at Austin who was in the middle. He looked down. I did too, down at the kitten curling up in my lap. My heart hurt so badly. I hadn't spoken a word since my breakdown after finding out there was almost no chance I'd ever have a baby. Travis had been trying so hard to be there for me, but I knew he was broken as well. Everyone tiptoed around me now.

Travis drove us to the airport, and we had to very slowly through security on account of the fact that I was in a wheelchair. They took Concrete away to go on the plane with our bags, and I didn't fail to notice that Travis slipped them a roll of cash so that they'd take extra care of her. I just wrapped my arms around myself, staring down into my lap as Travis came around and wheeled me past the check in desk. 

We had priority boarding, and since we couldn't take my wheelchair with us, Travis took most of my weight as we walked up onto the plane. He'd got first class seats so we had space and helped me into one, Mom and Austin sitting down across from us. I sat back as Travis put the belt over my lap, staring out of the window at the soggy weather outside. 

"You need anything else baby doll?" Travis murmured, touching my cheek like he always did when he talked to me so he could make sure I was listening. I shook my head, and I heard him sigh before he sat down in the seat across from mine. 

The plane slowly filled up with people, but I tuned all of the sounds out, staring blankly out of the window. I felt hollow, paralyzed. My heart felt like it was stuck in a bear trap, trying desperately to escape, but it was locked tight. I was too exhausted to try to help myself. I didn't see the point in anything right now.

"Ali." Travis reached over and touched my knee once we'd taken off and the seatbelt sign had clicked off. I dragged my gaze over to him to see him leaning forwards, gazing at me, concerned. "Baby I need you to eat something." I shook my head. "Please doll." Travis begged. "You haven't eaten in four days. You'll get sick, please." He rubbed my knee. "For me."

After looking at him for a long moment, I relented and gave a tiny nod. Travis managed a tiny smile of encouragement, reaching into his bag. He took out a bottled smoothie, and I reluctantly took it, knowing it would put Travis' mind at ease. It took me a long time to drink it, taking tiny sips at a time, but it seemed to make Travis happier. I just didn't want him to worry about me, so I slowly drank the whole thing, and it did make me feel a little better.

I fell asleep three hours in to the sixteen hour flight, and I woke up four hours after that. Someone - probably Travis - had draped a blanket over me while I'd slept. The cabin was dim, little led strips on the ground lighting up the path. The plane was quiet; the only sound the occasional murmur of voices or shuffle. Travis was asleep in his seat across from me, breathing heavily.

"Ali." A soft voice to my left whispered, and I glanced over to see my brother looking at me. He was still getting used to calling me Ali, but he was getting there. "Ali, I'm so sorry." Austin said quietly. "I didn't know that this would happen. I'm so sorry."

"Austin." I sighed, speaking for the first time in a day. "I love you, because you're my brother. And I don't hate you, but I just want to grieve for a while okay?" Austin nodded, his expression covered in guilt and shame. "It's done now, and we can't change it. So I want to grieve, and then I'll try to be okay about it, but I'll always love you."