december.
bey.
I felt like Oni's girlfriend. She took me home, to her home, and let me shower. She left me inside all alone while she circled around her huge balcony, having a very heated business conversation. For a moment, I felt guilty. Had it not been for me, she wouldn't have to bring that business into her peaceful home.
Now I sat in her walk-in closet that I was jealous of, moisturizing my body and wanting to leave. This was difficult for me, and wildly different from my marriage. I had never been jealous of Samora. He and I were equals. That was what our marriage consisted of, what our foundation was built on, but of Oni... I was jealous. She made me feel like I should have been doing so much more with my life. She made me feel like I should have more, like the home I had with my husband just wasn't enough.
"What you doing in here? You finished showering so now you're in here raiding my closet?"
"You done with your phone call?"
"Why do you sound angry?"
Why was I so damn emotional? Why did I feel like tears were creeping up on me?
"Sweetie," She took a seat next to me and held my face between her hands, "What's happening? What's wrong?"
"I'll sound like somebody you don't want to entertain anymore if I say so."
"I took you with a husband. I doubt it. Talk to me."
"I'm jealous. That shit sounds disgusting coming from my mouth."
"You sound real to me."
I was familiar with this emotion, I just wasn't familiar with showing it. Envy was not pretty and it didn't fit into the beautification of me, but I felt like I couldn't hide this feeling from a woman. Even if it was the woman that I was envious of.
"You're the boss. You don't have money problems. You live in this beautiful home so far up in the air like you're in heaven. You're on this pedestal and I'm down here with the common folk."
"Beyoncé... to me, you and common folk should never be used in the same sentence, not in that context. You are right where you need to be and if you can't see it, I'm not the only one sitting up here. You're in heaven with me. I would give you the world if only you asked for it."
"I'm not asking you for anything."
"What I have you have. And I don't think you sound like somebody I don't want to entertain. I think you sound exactly like the jealous woman I was introduced to, the same woman that didn't want me to steal her best friend."
She saw me break out into a smile and gravitated to me, giving me a small peck. I leaned into her, enticed entirely by her reassurance. Pecks turned into lingering kisses, me biting her and moving in so close that she had to plant herself or she would fall. When she tried to pull away, I grabbed the nape of her neck and pulled her right back.
I could kiss her soft, pretty lips forever.
She made me feel comfortable, like I could talk to her about anything or I could touch her any way I'd like with no retaliation. She understood me, and just let me be.
"I appreciate you," I was breathless by the time I went to speak, taking two seconds to catch some air before my mouth was right back on hers.
"We need to get out of here before I have you laid out in here."
"I don't mind."
I was leaning in to my situation. I couldn't possibly know who started this between us, but I was the only one who failed to accept it, one foot out the door, and I knew that was my guilt. Because I still felt that, I was human. I wasn't a bad person if I could still recognize that.
