Times Reckoning: Lil Peep Fanfic

Black Fingernails

--November 5th 2017--

Peeps pov

I walked into the dimly lit bar, the familiar smell of stale beer and drugs hitting my nose. It was my usual hangout, a place where I could blend in and meet others like me. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a whiskey, neat.

As I waited for my drink, I scanned the room out of habit. That's when I saw her. Quinn. She was with one of my close friends Celeste, her smile lighting up the entire place. My stomach twisted into knots. I have to hate Quinn.  No matter how much I'm attracted to her, I can't let anyone to close to me or they will just end up hurt.

It was a twisted kind of logic, but it was the only way I could cope. And apparently Enzo already has a hold of her, so there no point to even try.

But tonight, Im bored and have nothing better to do. So, I took a deep breath and walked over to her.

"Well, well, if it isn't the girl that magically came out of nowhere." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I didn't really know what to say, so that's what came out. But she really did just show up one day out of nowhere.

Quinn turned to look at me, her smile fading. "Gus. What do you want?"

"Just thought I'd come over and say hi," I replied, trying to keep my tone light. "But it looks like you're too busy for that."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why do you always have to be such a jerk?"

I shrugged, trying to hide the pain her words caused. "Maybe because I don't like people like you."

"People like me?" she repeated, her voice rising. "What does that even mean?"

"It means you're dangerous," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "You're the kind of person who gets under people's skin, makes them care. And I can't afford to care."

I'm not sure what's up with the sudden emotions that have taken over me, but I can barely even see. I think someone slipped something in my drink.

Quinn stared at me for a long moment, her eyes searching mine. "You know, Gus, maybe if you weren't such a coward, you'd realize that not everyone is out to hurt you."

I felt my chest tighten. She was right, of course. But admitting that would mean letting my guard down, and I couldn't do that. Not with her. She doesn't even know me.

"Maybe," I said shrugging my shoulders, turning to leave.

As I walked away, I could feel her eyes on me, could hear the echo of her words. Each step felt heavier than the last. I reached the bar and took a long sip of my whiskey, hoping it would help.
But it didn't. The alcohol only seemed to amplify my emotions, making it harder to ignore the truth. I glanced back at Quinn, who was now sitting alone, her friend having moved on to the dance floor. She looked so vulnerable, I liked it.

I wanted to go back, to tell her everything, to explain why I acted the way I did. But the fear of getting hurt was too strong. I couldn't let myself be that exposed. The truth is, people think I'm tough, that nothing can get to me, but that's just the mask I wear. The truth is, I'm scared, terrified, actually off getting hurt. It's happened so much already in my life.

I've always been sensitive. When I was younger, I wore my heart on my sleeve. Every little comment, every small slight, it all cut deep. I remember the pain of feeling like I wasn't enough, like I was too much of a burden. So, I built walls. I learned to hide behind a facade of indifference and strength.

It's not easy, pretending all the time. There are moments when I want to let my guard down, to show the world who I really am. But then I remember the sting of rejection, the ache of loneliness. It's safer to keep people at arm's length, to let them see only what I want them to see.

Sometimes, I wonder if anyone really knows me. They see the jokes, the bravado, the cool exterior, but they don't see the real Gus. The one who feels deeply, who cares too much, who longs for connection but is too afraid to reach out. It's a lonely existence, but it's the only way I know to protect myself. I guess Tracy and Makonnen are the only ones.

I know it's not healthy. I know I'm missing out on genuine relationships, on the chance to be truly understood. But the fear of being hurt, of letting someone in only to be pushed away, is too overwhelming.

Why the fuck am I getting so deep into thought? What's even happening?
I couldn't stop thinking about Quinn, about the way she had looked at me with such disappointment.

As I took a sip of my drink, I realized that I had a choice to make. I could continue to live in fear, to push people away and protect myself from getting hurt. Or I could take a chance, open myself up to the possibility of love and connection, and risk getting hurt in the process.

I knew what I had to do. I had to find Quinn and make things right. I had to show her that I was willing to change, that I was willing to let her in. I didn't know if it was too late, but I had to try. I know that I would probably get hurt, but for her, I'm fine with that. She's worth it.

I stood up, trying to find her, realizing she probably left. So I'm going to find her.  As I stepped outside, the cool night air hit me, clearing my mind. I took a deep breath and started walking, determined to find Quinn. Even if she wants nothing to do we me, I hope we can at least be friends.

It wasn't going to be easy, but I knew that if I didn't try, I would regret it for the rest of my life. And so, I set off into the night, hoping that it wasn't too late to make things right. Even though I was the one that started it.

I walked through the streets, the city lights blurring as I hurried to find Quinn. Each step felt heavier than the last, but my determination kept me going. I replayed our conversations in my head, searching for any clue as to where she might be.

I've never cared for someone so much. Seriously what was in that drink?
It feels like I searched the entire Earth trying to find her, in reality I only walked a few blocks. I scanned every the area, my heart pounding in my chest, and then I saw her. She was sitting on a bench in the park, staring up at the stars.

This might be the biggest mistake of my life.

I approached slowly, not wanting to startle her. "Quinn," I called softly. She turned to look at me, her eyes filled with a mix of surprise and sadness.

"Are you following me?" she said quietly.

"I had to find you again," I replied, taking a seat beside her. "I need to explain."
She looked away, her expression guarded. "I'm not sure there's anything left to say."

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "I know I messed up. I've been a dick to you these past few days without a good reason, and I'm sorry."
Quinn remained silent, her gaze fixed on the horizon.

"Yeah, you have been a dick." She finally said laughing.

She turned to face me, her eyes looking into mine. After what felt like an eternity, she finally spoke. "Friends?"

I just smiled. "Yeah."

Her lips tugged at the corners of her lips. "Okay," she whispered. "Let's start over."

"Let's go back to the bar."

-bar-

We found a table in the corner. Quinn ordered a cocktail, something fruity, while I got a beer. We talked. With each drink, I felt my guard slipping, just a little. "Wanna do some lines?" I ask her smirking. "No." She said, rolling her eyes. This girl is just to sensitive. "Well I am."

I think I ended up doing about like a thousand billion? I don't really know. I can't see and can barely hear anything.
But I can tell what Quinn looks like no matter how blurry it is. "Yo Quinn wanna fuck?" I said smirking. "Sure" it sounded slurred, she was definitely drunk. I take her hand into mine, she had pretty black fingernails.

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I don't like this chapter, it's moving to fast ... I might fuck it all up