Commitment: one year with suicide off the table

The medic

BP 140 over 90 heart rate 130
In a ambulance feeling sick and  drowsy
Lights and sirens blaring
Medic asked me to look in her eyes
She looked so sad as she asked me why
I told her lately I just wanted to die
I prayed for the first time in a long time tonight
Begged God these pills would end my strife
But I'm still here and I don't know why
She squeezed my hand and said it was for a reason
I didn't have to let go
I didn't have to keep bleeding
Put the blade and the pills down
I deserve to take up space
I deserve to keep breathing
Something about her gave me peace
And I felt tears on my face before I fell asleep
It's been a little over a month since I attempted suicide
I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't still cross my mind
But I'm thankful for the medic that saved me that night.