under the umbrella ★ [luca x alberto] // luca pixar

older

LUCA'S POV

TW: BULLYING AND CURSING

It's crazy to think about how much we've grown. I feel like the summer I met Alberto and Giulia was last week.. I remember learning about the stars and the world.  I also remember being afraid of the world. Mom always told me, "It's too dangerous out there! You'll get killed by the land monsters."

I wanted to explore that world with Alberto, but he knew and cared about what I truly wanted, and I still feel bad about going to school instead of being with him. I mean, his dad left. And now I left him too. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that.

School is alright. It's fun to learn stuff, like astronomy, but the kids can be mean. 

I dig and purge around my room for my journal from 8th grade. I flip through the pages and find the entry from my first day of school. I chuckle to myself, feeling nostalgic. It was only 4 years ago, but I still miss it.

August 13th, 1969

Dear Diary,

My teacher, Ms. Florencia gave the whole class "journals", so here I am. Today is my first day of school. Ever. I'm really nervous, honestly. I'm probably going to write very personal things here, and I'm afraid that someone will see everything I write and tell everyone about it. I like my class though! My homeroom classmates are Giulia, Catherine, Beatrice, Marco, Lucia, Tommaso, Florence (it's kinda funny how her name is almost the same as the teacher's last name), Romeo, Summer, Colette, Valentino, Michelangelo, Francesca, and Elio. I don't know anyone here except for Giulia, so I have to stick with her here or I'm dead meat! Or, well, I guess I could say fish. I haven't told any of my classmates about me being a sea monster. I don't know if I should or not. I could get killed! Alberto warned me about human schools, but what does he know about school? He probably thinks two plus two equals five (not literally, I know he's smart)! Tommaso, Romeo, and Valentino are laughing and pushing each other like idiots. Should I be worried? Elio seems rather quieter. I wouldn't say the same for Michelangelo, though. Francesca is sitting on his desk, twirling her hair, and talking all weird. Gross. Beatrice and Catherine are by each other, so I'm assuming they're sticking together too. Colette, Lucia, and Marco are in a group together too. I'm just sitting alone at my desk writing in this stupid book. I hope Alberto is doing alright. And I hope this year will be the best!

 I guess I'm no longer a kid.. I'm almost an adult. I am seventeen years old. Is that insane or what?

When am I gonna stop being wise beyond my years and just start being wise? When will it stop being cool to be quietly misunderstood? Will I spend the rest of my life wishing I could go back?

I'm taller. I'll probably never be as tall as Alberto, I am short, at least that's what Alberto says. He teases me about it.. I don't know why but I like it. I don't think I'm that short.. am I? 5'4" isn't that short, is it? For a seventeen year old?

But as I get older, more ideas come to mind; more questions.

What will I do for my career? Do I want to tell Alberto how I feel? Do I want to have- okay, let's not get too far into my thoughts. Growing up is weird. I honestly don't feel like myself. I get all snappy and upset with people. It feels like hell.

I don't.. know what I want to do..when I'm older. For a career. I could be an astronomer, or maybe an author. I don't think a librarian would be that interesting, or a teacher.

I guess a lot of teenagers are all romantic and sappy. Like how I feel toward Alberto.

I want Alberto; I want to love him and I want him to love me. I need him.