Resist: To Love is To Suffer

Chapter Ten

A sense of numbness became my only comfort. Leaving that house had been the final nail in the coffin I'd use to bury my heart. I had no life left. No will to exist. I ran a hand across my mouth, trying to pick through the details of how quickly everything had fallen apart, to accept how easily that succubus had come on my face and then thrown me out like trash. Maybe it was karma. For the first time, I felt used, I felt like the distraction. I felt what all those girls I'd been in the past with had felt.

I didn't think about where I was going when I drove off. I didn't think about what the future would bring, or how I would eventually deal with this. I eventually found myself outside Riley's house, parked across the street. Why had I come here? It had been weeks since she'd spoken to me. Before I could stop myself, I called her. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hey!" She spoke with forced excitement, her voice barely louder than whatever music was blaring in the background.

"I'm sorry, you're busy." Whose voice just came out of my mouth? I didn't recognize him.

"No! It's ok. Let me step out. One sec, ok?" The music faded, until only the soft sounds of her breathing came through the speaker. "What's up?"

"Have you figured things out?"

"What's wrong? You don't sound okay."

"Please, just answer me."

She paused, holding her breath, silence flooding my ear. "Not really."

"Ok." I wanted to talk to her about everything that had happened, to have someone to help shoulder this devastation. She was waiting for me to say more, but I couldn't find the words.

"You're freaking me out a little. You don't talk to me for weeks and then call me sounding like this? What happened? Where are you?"

"You didn't want to see me."

Her laugh sounded so sad, "Exactly, I didn't want to see you. I never said I didn't want to talk."

"Oh." I was so fucking stupid.

"Why did you call me, Val?" All traces of humor had left her voice. Why did I call you?

"She- never mind. Get back to your party."

"Val, what-"

I ended the call and shrank back into my seat. She called back twice, but I let it ring. She blew up my phone, texts popping up on the screen every few seconds.

answer the fucking phone

where are you

you obv wanted to talk so talk to me!

why are you doing this

val please say something

you know snap has locations now. youre at my house?

omw

please dont leave

10 minutes later, a car pulled up beside mine. I watched Riley hop of of the passenger side, wearing some barely there club dress and sky high heels. Where had my shy girl gone? A moment later she was in my car, her sweet floral scent mixed with the sharp burn of vodka. I felt her burning gaze across my bare chest, a harsh point of light under the magnifying glass of her scrutiny. She pulled her eyes away and looked around the car, finding the open gift box in the backseat.

"You go to the beach today?"

"Pool party. It's my birthday."

"And you didn't tell me? Rude!" she settled into her seat with a sly grin on her face. "Maybe you wanted to come celebrate privately, yeah?" She was drunk, too far gone to spend any amount around me.