The Racing Line | M.V.

6. Dating History

Liv wasn't always like this. She wasn't always so cold towards new people or romance, she wasn't always so distrustful, or so set in believing that falling in love was a bunch of crap.

It didn't happen all at once either. She didn't wake up one morning feeling hollow inside. It happened little by little, blow by blow. 

The first blow was Max, falling in love with her best friend as kids only to realize he thought the idea was "gross" really broke her. It was a memory that every once in a while it reappeared inside her mind, as clear as if it had happened the day before. It was a tough blow, especially at that age when it often seems like everything is falling apart. That took a big chunk out of her heart.

After Max she really didn't fall for anyone else for years. She was always karting in her spare time, she didn't have time for parties, or dating, barely had friends other than Max. Her weekends were filled with racing tracks, training, and competitions. She did attend a handful of parties over the years as a teenager, where she gave her first kiss in a spin the bottle game once. She didn't want to get her first kiss like that, but she was fifteen and she was too embarrassed to admit she hadn't kissed anyone before, so she did it. It was just okay, she guessed it could've been worse.

Then there was Max again. A fluke, she liked to call it. When she was sixteen and Max insisted that having sex together was a great idea she had a lot of mixed feelings about it. First of all, Max was the only boy she had ever loved. She didn't want to fall into that again because she knew exactly how he felt about it, "gross". Then she remembered her first kiss in spin the bottle, and how she would've preferred to give her first kiss to someone she actually cared about, but she hadn't. And she did care about Max, even though she would never allow herself to fall in love with him again.

Her mind was split 50/50 for days until the day she met Noah. She thought she rather have a good experience with someone she trusted and knew well, rather than taking a gamble with someone new, and she knew she could trust Max.

As the moment was nearer, she got increasingly nervous, and she tried to slap herself out of it. She had to remember this was just sex between friends, she told herself time and time again to keep a cool head. To remember the pain she had suffered before, she surely didn't want to go through that again.

She just had to remember to keep the sex separate from whatever feelings may arise. They were friends, she just loved him like a friend, and he only saw her like a friend too.

Easier said than done. The moment they kissed it was magnetic, like there was this energy pulling them towards each other and they couldn't pull apart. Olivia didn't know a feeling like that was even possible. She just wanted to be closer to him, and that night she thought Max might want the same thing. It was the way he looked at her, he had never looked at her like that before. It was the way he kissed her and the way he touched her, so lovingly and caring. It was the way he held her hand as they made love. It felt like making love, at least to Olivia, it didn't feel like just sex. She had never felt safer or more loved than she had that night.

Still, once they were done she tried to not tangle herself in emotions, maybe it was all in her head, maybe that's just what sex was for everyone. She certainly didn't know much about it. She was slightly taken aback as Max kissed her again, so lovingly, and when they laid on the bed and he pulled her to him so she would rest on his chest. The way he stroked her skin felt so calming she just drifted off.

Olivia didn't have a lot of friends at school, but she was good friends with her neighbor Emma, this was because whenever Checo would leave for an F1 race and Liv wasn't off karting, she would spend a lot of time in her neighbor's apartment. Emma was one year older than Liv, and the first day Liv was back she told her all about what had happened with Max.