The One 【Tordtom/Tomtord】

Familiarity

- with Tom -

Tom looked down at his hand as he walked out the door, as if the moment he just experienced were to be in his possession.

He sighed and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. He decided he wasn't that upset about what he did to Tord, in fact, he now questioned if it was even his fault.

'I called him a bully, he's so dramatic' he thought as he grabbed a half empty bottle of smirnoff from the lowest compartment of the fridge. This time he wasn't drinking because he felt bad, he drank because of the familiar feeling it gave him.

It contradicted this unknown feeling he didn't like, replaced it with something he knew.

- with Tord -

It was strange how the person he loved the most made him feel the worst. Tord didn't think much about it, meaning he didn't try to make sense of it all since after all these years the wound hadn't healed. It hurt to think about that.

It hurt knowing about all the things he went through, he wished he could just forget.. why does he still remember something that hurt so much? Why was his mind like this?

He needed more help than the other kids in school, they called him an idiot, their disgusting spit on his face, they hit him because he wasn't like them, because he didn't talk like them, because he didn't understand them.

That one particular bully.. the one who always wore the color- "Hey.. Todd?" Matt knocked on Tord's door two times before saying his name wrong, like always.

Tord didn't respond, his face marked with dried tears as he tried to control his breathing. "Uhm.. I heard, uh, yelling and well.." Matt continued on his own since he didn't get a response.

"I know it's like normal for you two to fight, and why bother trying to change it, right..? It's just I heard crying and I wanted to make sure.." Matt says, his voice getting softer until he inevitably stops.

After a moment of silence, Tord guesses that Matt walked away, that he moved on just like the rest. They always do.

Tord pulls out the letters he's written from inside his desk, photos he took, everything that could ever be used against him as evidence to his deepest desire.. he pulls out a lighter as well.

Going over towards a drawer to the left from his bed, he grabs an ashtray from on top. He grabs a cigarette from a pack of twenty, sitting on his chair, with everything scattered on his desk, he lights it.

He inhales and holds his breath, letting the toxic smoke fill his insides, he can imagine it swirling around, killing him from the inside-out. When he exhales, he rubs the rim lit cigarette on the letters, burning a small hole through them that spreads until it dies.

He watches it burn, what would've happened if he gave them to Tom? Would Tom read them? Would he throw them away after? Would they all eventually burn? Doing it yourself was best. Tom wasn't how he remembered, Tord was obsessed with how he used to be. He'll do anything to get it back.

This always relaxed Tord, seeing the smoke leave his body, feeling so carefree, so addicted. He continues this cycle until he's smoked three cigarettes to their fag-end.

This feeling was so normal. It felt so nice, just like home, he would get some relief from the clowns. Their seemingly endless torment hurt so much. He's finally labeled Tom as one of them.

The ashtray now dirty, the letters and pictures burned. Tord felt as though he let some pain pass by. As if he's also moved on, but he knows this is only temporary.

- meanwhile with Matt -

'I hope Tord is alright' he thought to himself. Well, he can't really think the worst, Tord always finds a way to dust himself off and stand up again.

Matt goes down the staircase and into the kitchen where Tom is eating some buttered toast as breakfast with a quarter full bottle of smirnoff in his hand, even though it was the afternoon by now. "Afternoon, Tim" Matt says smiling, he can tell Tom is lost in thought and needs to be dragged out.

Tom smiles weakly, 'He still looks like a dead body' Matt thinks. "Afternoon, Matt, you know where Edd is?" The black eyed brit asks looking around. "Probably went out to get some food for Ringo" the ginger suggests, shrugging.

With a hum from Tom, the room goes quiet. "..So, what happened with Todd?" Matt asks, maybe asking won't be so bad. Maybe he'll finally get an answer. "I honestly have no clue, he started.. well, he got upset because I called him a bully, can you imagine, Matt??! How immature"

Tom leans against a counter, accidentally hitting himself on the head with a shelf. Matt laughs a bit and Tom groans. Matt then clears his throat, "Well, you do remember primary and secondary school, right? You were the one who was there for him through it all, you of all people should understand why.." he says sitting down at the table and interlocking his hands together.

"Yeah but.." Tom agrees and then huffs, letting the silence embrace him as he tries to figure out the secret to Matt's memory, not wanting the responsibility him and Tord gave him, "He should be over that by now" the alcoholic continues. "What if he never got help to get over that? It was.. intense" Matt looks away, feeling a bit of guilt sway inside him.

"Well" Tom drags, "He apologized to Tord, isn't that enough?" He says, going against Matt's reasoning. "Was me apologizing for your dad's death enough?!" Matt raises his voice, he doesn't do that often, especially when defending Tord, of all people..

The room goes quiet, Tom's face seems hurt, then he turns away. "Sorry, I just don't think you should be mad at Tord for reacting that way, I wasn't there for your argument and I'm not you so take my word with a grain of salt" Matt says standing up, hands on the table.

"Where are you going..?" Tom looks back at Matt to ask, he puts the bottle of smirnoff on the counter. "I want to go on a walk, the weather seems nice today" Matt responds with a smile that feels so genuine. "Oh.. uhm, can I come alon-" Tom gets cut off. "Of course! What if someone tries to kidnap me?"

"Hm, I doubt anyone would want to kidnap you" Tom says smirking and walking to the front door, Matt following. "Hey!!" The ginger yells, offended, but after they look at each other in the eyes they start laughing and walk out the door.

Leaving Tord alone to deal with his issues.