What Lurks at Night

8.

Surprise. An emotion I haven't felt since the dark ages, and that accursed woman-... she-...she brought back memories buried. I took a seat down in the big leather chair in my room, my heart felt the sting again at the memory of her. My love...my soulmate. She was my everything- in every possible sense and way there was, sadistic like me...but the same views as Val. That redhead, I thought she was going to be another little bird to be trapped in a cage, under my cruel authority and grasp. I was doing my best to process these emotions that popped inside my chest. Azar- my beloved...my wife, my mortal wife. More radiant than the sun, the one being in this universe that I truly loved. My heart beating a grieving morbid tune. Inhaling deeply, closing my eyes, leaning my head back against the back of the chair- slow deep breaths. Feeling my lungs in my body and the way the air filled them...was grounding.

A wound that I never exposed, kept buried...I remember her smell, my mind picturing her in my bed- her soft skin against my fingers as I worshiped every inch of her body. Her scent bringing me back- citrus. Oranges, she smelled like oranges... running my fingers through her hair, cuddled up against her back.
I lift my head up, hanging it forward and down...her eyes so green they could be mistaken for emeralds- and her skin was a soft tan. Natural too-unlike today's world where women could get fake tans...my love. How my heart still aches, it never forgot you...-I let her die, I was out with my brother and I think the season was fall...close to Samhain. We were- celebrating with the other gods... and then we weren't. Betrayed for being evil, and cruel...chaotic by nature. Our temples burned, our statues desecrated and destroyed...and my wife- killed, my unborn child with her all because of how my brother and I were born to be everything stripped from us within seconds she was- her corpse flayed, skinned, and defiled dried blood on her inner thighs, and her face so disfigured it was unrecognizable. And the kick to the gut- was a small fetus...presented in a bowl while they had tied her to a stake, strung her high on display, and burned as a witch by the people.

I was sadistic by nature- change inevitable...but she- she was my second half sadistic like me but she still had her sanity. My sadistic nature was not because of some trauma- or out of sheer pleasure. It was out of joy. Out of knowing that I manifested fear and paranoia in people, and they didn't even have to do anything but exist. I was born this way- my brother born a manipulator- not that val knew...he would never be so careless as to let her know. We were born sick, as is our nature...like a lion being a predator that is its nature. But- she reminded me of my wife's beliefs. And it hurt- made me feel a twinge of guilt for the first time in over several centuries...the guilt pitted in my chest where my heart was trying to reason with my core- my nature. Humans were only things to be used and abused, maimed and defiled... I-. I couldn't bring myself to believe that, val- was any different...she wasn't deserving of mercy the way she made memories surface. I sighed, my wife despite all that she was- stood with me, the only mortal in existence to do so...to support my hobbies. She chose her name- Azar. But her real name was Fiadh- irish at its roots. Days where I would be in a human disguise running barefoot with her out in grassy meadows, and through forests, she was wild, the name Fiadh suited her. She didn't turn away when I revealed what I truly was and what I truly looked like- akin to a mummified corpse...thin dead skin you could see the outline of my bones and skull...in fact she gave me that name- skull.

Her favorite things were simple- she liked rabbits, she hated wearing dresses, it was a fight to the teeth if someone told her how to dress. And she loved the ocean-... I can see myself drowning in the ocean, cloigeann. And no one would miss me. She was- morbid at times, teasing my heart the way she did, her hair a rich brown...the color of grizzly fur. It's vile how now, a fucking redheaded whore, strikes the match into my core memories...forcing them to play on repeat like a film, and then pulling me further in like the deep ocean. It wasn't her fault though...and I certainly didn't like her for it. However I wouldn't deny the tiniest sliver of- sympathy...towards her- her scars etched into my mind, Az was right, it scarred the soul when the body was branded a monster in some form or another. Azar-...would scream at me if she were here right now, in this room. Lecturing me, for putting val through fear over the course of weeks. I can hear her nagging at me- if you don't apologize to that poor girl this instant cody scythe, I swear I will...- snickering remembering her cute threats that would be surprisingly affective, at making me heel like a dog. She had me wrapped around her finger, like a blood pact ring. I remember she withheld sex for an entire year- and that was torture. A soft smile form on my lips, sadists, both of us, we knew each other's weaknesses and used them to torture each other. But never physically. Yet we loved with a fierceness that would never be destroyed or meddled with...it was my fault-... for not seeing through the masks of the other gods. For not being able to protect her...I guess that's why my heart is yelling at me to protect val. Despite my sadistic nature yelling against it. I roll my eyes finally giving into the emotion. Just this once. I'd do my wife's memory a simple but honorable favor...that girl upstairs would be protected. But only temporarily. Hell was a notorious place that no mortal could ever out smart...mortals were many things but they were weak against evil forces. America's leaders having demons around them that they couldn't see, leading them further down the path of greed and corruption. It wasn't my business though. It wasn't my jurisdiction. Val- was. And will be the little bird I protect even if I hurt it once in a while. Just for her...only for her. For my wife.