What Lurks at Night

10.

Pulling myself to my feet, looking across the room I was allowed to stay in due to the humble graciousness of the host. The sin of lust. The mirror on the wall showing myself, my eyes had bags under them...I forced a smile on my face, I had to if I wanted to get through this. If I stood any chance of escaping these lunatics.

But- every thought right now was sexual. Lustful. The thought of being pinned against a wall, and taken from behind by-... a god...got me red in the face and wet between the legs. I slowly reached between my legs, gently, touching where I was most sensitive- biting my lower lip... thoughts danced across my mind, wanting to be choked, pinned against the bed on my stomach, while claws dug into my back, with a cock inside me. Wanting, no! Needing! I needed it... but- my trauma response, to physical needs... always made me freeze the reels in my mind playing on film, over and over, screaming on the inside.

My body, I hid it well- always putting on a mask and acting calm or nonchalant, in reality...I hated my body. When looking in the mirror, at myself- at my scars when my shirt was off for changing clothes back home... I felt- disgust, and sick. But more importantly...betrayal. Betrayal to the bright eyed little girl I use to be and I was- adventurous, always curious, didn't know what fear was the way all little kids were... I felt- free. Truly free. I didn't body shame myself, insult myself, I didn't imagine taking a knife to my head and stabbing myself repeatedly. Relishing in the cathartic emotion it gave. I am weak. Tired. Exhausted. Thinking a boy could ever truly like me the way I am... let alone, trusting him and going to a party, only to find out- I was the clown.

Looking at my worn out face in the mirror, trying to convince my poor exhausted mind lies. The same lies I've been telling myself for years.

You're beautiful. You're smart. You're brave. You're important. You have value. You're valued. You are-... loved.

I'm not. But I try nonetheless to lie. I can't let the mask fall...I can't show weakness. Showing weakness to a sin, and a sadistic god is like showing a dog a juicy steak. I'd be made a meal. I'd be giving them satisfaction that I finally broke. And they would think that they succeeded.
The thing that killed me the most- having my emotions dismissed.

What were you wearing?
Should've said no.
Boys will be boys.
You liked it.
But they're nice guys.
Nice guys. Nice guys didn't mutilate the flesh of a woman, and carve bits and pieces off. I was lucky that I got off with that...I think if I'd been raped, it would've broke me. Mentally broke me. Put me in a state where my mind wasn't able to function normally ever again, and I'd live in a psych-ward.

A lot of women who read these dark romance books, like the fantasy of it...where being 'mind broken' is a turn on if the man does it. While- I have read some myself...I just don't think a 'mind broken' woman is hot. Especially not by some guy. Of course each to their own though, for fucks sake I was in hell. Maybe I should see what's in the wardrobe, a change of clothes? I'm surprised I didn't become a hard cold serial killer who kills men. Castrates them, and serves their cocks to them on a platter forcing them to eat their own dick. It was often an entertaining thought, to mutilate men who pissed me off for doing wrong shit to innocent women...the world has its problems for sure but- men are one of the most insecure people I've ever met with their patriarchy they built, and taking away women's rights of bodily autonomy. I get why some women agree that it is a life, but at the end of the day... what's the harm of letting people live their own lives? Right. I forgot. Fragile egos that would be ruined, if god forbid women had bodily autonomy. The whole Roe v. Wade thing caused such an uproar half the population of America was ready to start a civil war. Men have been in power for so long that there is no punishment system for them...a guy selling weed can have life while a guy who rapes and brutally assaults a child gets 15 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off as a vigilante like the caped hero who wears black and is active at night like a bat.

But I'd work hard to track down men with track records of harm...and men who recently became sick fucks. My mother always said, if you're gonna be stupid you better be tough...and I'd start with the guys who gave me these deep scars. Shit, I had a sadistic god with me, for all I know I could convince him to find them and take me to them so I could act out my revenge. Not so innocent Val, and not so easy... one of those guys from those years ago, was the current president with a trophy wife who looks like the karnashians all got together and fucked a dead man's body.

But- skull, was a god. With an evil hotter brother.
I smirked, as I just walked out of my room with the clothes I arrived in and headed downstairs and just like I suspected he was there, 8 feet tall and all. "I have a request, sadistic god." I stated letting a smile fall on my soft red lips. He twisted his head to me, definitely intrigued.

A request? Oh this should be good. "And what request is that, little bird?" Stepping towards her, my black sockets burning into her as if she'd disappear any moment. "I want revenge on the men who scarred me." Going quiet, letting the air sit...interesting indeed. She seemed the type to not give a shit what happened to her. Yet she wanted revenge? Revenge. Revenge. I guess beggars can't be choosers- it would allow me to get some form of much needed sadistic release.
But- we couldn't just leave yet, we had business to finish here. Looking down at her, I could take advantage of her for this, feeling a smirk form. Yes. I could. "Very well, but on one condition...you service me." My tone letting out a sadistic note, there was no sexual desire with her. Reaching forward and placing my bony hand, against the side of her soft, face.

Service him? I got a sickening feeling swelling in my stomach. My hairs on my neck standing up, again. This- his request- wasn't sexual. But how badly did I want that revenge? Badly. More so than I wanted to get fucked. Parting my lips...before matching his black empty gaze. "My body, is yours...my soul, any unmarked flesh- it's yours." Saying that tasted downright awful like drinking spoiled milk and smelling a dead carcass all together.

My smirk, fell into a wide, pleased grin. "It's a deal, little bird. I look forward to hearing those screams of yours. But- that will be after we deal with Asmodeus." We had to leave. Bringing her here was a mistake. I wanted her. I didn't want to share with anyone else. Knowing when we leave, my brother would be furious. But first- Asmodeus.