Once Upon A Journal

Chapter Seven

Just as I'm wondering if I should move away and start over, the bell rings.

I don't know how I'm going to face the entire class. Skipping classes isn’t even an option because I’ve never done that, and even today, I don't want to because I can’t. The urge to follow the rules, never miss a class, and always be present is something that’s just a part of me. A part that I can't just leave behind.

Somehow, I manage to pull myself together and walk down the hallway toward my classroom. Standing in front of the door, I silently pray that no one kicks me out.

Sweat is pouring down my body, and my mouth feels dry. I can hear the voices from inside the classroom, and every sound feels like it’s aimed directly at me—and maybe it is.

Taking a deep breath, I turn the doorknob with trembling hands and step inside.

The second I step inside, I can feel the eyes of each student landing on me. It feels as if they are dissecting each part of me to find out my faults.

I don't look at any of them and just take my seat in the front row. Opening my textbook, I pretend to read, even though my eyes are reading the same word over and over again.

Just then Mr. Morris, our maths teacher, walks in.

Seeing his expression, I freeze. His mouth is pulled down in an angry line, and his eyes look livid as if he is angry at someone.

So he read my writings? I am really dead now.

Last year, when we had a test, he gave me 2 marks less than I deserved which affected my overall ranking, making me second with Alex as first when we both should have been in first place.So, I gave him a message about the discrepancy but he ignored it. Then I went up to him to request a recheck of my marks. At first, he was reluctant, saying it was too late to make any changes. But after my continuous persistence, he did increase my marks but also insulted me, saying I should know how to respect my teachers and that I shouldn't be so fixated on grades.

I still remember the day I wrote about him in my journal. I was sitting on the rooftop of my house, embarrassed and hurt, blinking away the tears that were forming in my eyes, remembering the way he looked at me like I was just an annoying kid fighting to have candies at someone else's birthday.

With all the hurt and anger that I had, I wrote everything that I wanted to say in front of his face.

Mr. Morris,

How can you say marks don’t matter when that’s all you and the rest of the teachers care about? If grades aren’t important, then why all the competition? This isn't the first time you have made such mistakes.Your arrogance and lack of awareness make you unfit to be a teacher.

Just thinking about it now makes me want to curse myself. I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare, and all I am wishing for is for the earth to swallow me whole or that a wall would collapse on me so I wouldn't have to face this.  This is literal hell on earth, and I just want to die.

"Before starting my class, I'd like to have a word with you," Mr. Morris says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "If anyone has any problem with me, feel free to tell me instead of creating drama in school." Right then, his eyes slide to me, and I can see the warning and anger in his eyes.

"Who are you talking about, Mr. Morris?" a boy asks, while some of the students snicker.

"Probably someone who is getting on all our nerves lately," another replies.

"Faker," I hear someone say from behind me. I don't turn around because I am sure my face looks red with embarrassment, and there's a lump forming in my throat. All I am chanting in my mind is don't cry, over and over again.

However, Mr. Morris doesn't take the joke well and says curtly, "Enough. Let's begin our lesson."

___________

After school gets over, I get out of the class as fast as possible, even though Lily calls my name multiple times for me to stop. But I can't stay in that class anymore. Hell, I can't even stay at this school anymore because everywhere I go, whispers follow me, and I am well aware of everyone staring at me while I pass them.

“I saw what you wrote. Were you always this fake or something changed?” I hear Sarah's voice from behind me.

No… not again. I have heard this at least twenty times from different students already. Even the students from the lower years are talking about it. It feels as if the entire school is one big gossiping neighbourhood aunty.

But before I can reply, Lily comes forward,“What's your problem Sarah? Stay out of this.”

“Was I talking to you Lily? No, right? So you stay out of this.”

“I don’t feel okay. My stomach..." Lily groans, clutching her abdomen and making exaggerated gurgling noises. She pretends to vomit, aiming directly at Sarah's shoes.

"What’s wrong with you?” Sarah mutters taking a step back, her face contorted in disgust. She gives one last look of disbelief before turning on her heel and striding away.

I let out a laugh, knowing it’s only Lily who can handle me in situations like this. "What was that?"

"Just what she deserved," Lily replies with a wide grin, clearly enjoying the moment."Why were you ignoring me?"

"I was not feeling well."

"Listen, I know everyone thinks you're a bitch right now, but I think it's the coolest thing ever. The way you roasted them through your writing  I am your fan," she laughs.

Just like Lily to think that way. My face instantly breaks into a small smile but it fades quickly as I spot Ms. Johnson, the office assistant, heading my way, her eyes fixed on me.

She's known around the school for her strict demeanour and her black hair is always pulled in a tight bun, making her look even more intimidating.

"The principal wants to see you," she says, standing in front of me. His face looks calm, in total contrast to the inner turmoil I am having right now. My heart races as I imagine the worst.

Am I going to get suspended? Or worse…
expelled?

Thank you ♡´･ᴗ･'♡