poison ivy | remus lupin

chapter three

MY SAVIOUR

TRACK LIST ⇩⇩
SORRY - HALSEY
YOUTH - DAUGHTER
SCOTT STREET - PHOEBE BRIDGERS
CLOSE TO YOU - RIHANNA
RONAN - TAYLOR SWIFT

my brother has never been an affectionate person, not with me, not with my parents. not with his friends, not even with sirius.

he certainly is the life of the party, yet next to me he feels a little more laid back.

im loud and affectionate, i show people that i care about them and love them with my hugs, kissing them on the cheek, pressing a kiss to their head, grabbing their hands in excitement or to catch them out of a trance, i walk by a friend and graze their waist with my hand to say hello

i reach out because i want to be seen and heard, my brother has never been like that. its crazy, almost funny how different we are in that way.

when i give my brother a hug he often tenses up or pushes me away, i often cant even think about us telling each other we loved each other because i know he would never say it back

he isnt cruel, he was there was i was down he was there when i needed to be picked up from the floor, literally. he was there to bring me chocolates and my favourite flower, and occasionally a hot french vanilla latte. he showed his affection through gifts and gestures rather than touch and words.

and i know that, i know some people aren't as good at using their words to loved ones. but i can admit it still stings slightly.

although my brother shows me he loves me in various ways, often when someone made me angry or upset.

there was a boy in my charms class first year, who constantly made me feel bad about myself or make me uncomfortable.

when he would say those vial things to me during class i should have screamed until my throat was raw, until the itch went away from never speaking.

but instead i would sit there in the corner of the classroom, looking at him with disbelief in my eyes

"you cant just say those things to me" i scoffed up, "its rude and it makes me feel bad about myself"

but he would only smirk in response, in a way of "i won" he always had this disturbing look in his eyes.

after that day he never made another comment

later during lunch a boy approached me, whos name was evan rosier.

"in charms this morning he made motions with his wand as if to hex you when you werent looking,"

my brother was loathing, he made it everybody's problem. he spoke to all of the professors "if you don't do anything about this, we will"

we was him and sirius black, his best mate. his brother, my brother. our family.

when i feel how i did that night all i can remember is my brothers hands pulling me to the surface, his fingers feeling unfamiliar around my wrist, yet the small touch made me feel so alive and warm

i dont like taking the train alone, i have no problem doing so, but i feel more at ease when my friends are with me

although, in my first year. when i took the train alone home from winter holidays

that boy from my charms class walked into my compartment, i remember him wearing a brown jacket with black jeans

i had pulled my cloak over my whole body and kept my wand as steady as possible in my hand, i looked out the window the entire time he sat across from me staring.