Confession of an Addict

Chapter One Addictive Thoughts...

"Alaric, have you ever met someone that caused thoughts you don't think you should be having?"

He walked around a moment before answering Jades' question. "I have and it can be an amazing thing or a horrible thing to be honest depending on the types of thoughts." He laughed a little.

"Alaric, they are spicy thoughts silly not murderous ones." She joked knowing he knew exactly what she was talking about.

Jade sat with that for a moment. She knew he was still right because of situations that these thoughts have caused in the past that have panned out and some that have completely bit Jade in the ass. If she could turn them off, she would but unfortunately that wasn't something she could control most of the time. The meetings helped but sometimes she just couldn't stop them. Her thoughts were broken through when she heard Alaric say her name loudly.

"Jade, are you there?"

She snapped back, "Yes, I'm sorry just lost in my head again. What were you saying?"

"I was asking about the thoughts in your head love and if you are able to suppress them this time."

"You know I have control to not act on anything more than some flirting but even that I am keeping to a minimum. I don't want to come on to strong and fuck another friendship up because of some imbalance with my hormones and control impulses. It's really fucking getting on my nerves, honestly."

"Well, that is a good thing, even though I'm sure if you and your wife talked about it with the openness of your relationship and the communication you two have, I don't see the harm if you did act on it."

Alaric was right there. Jades' relationship she is now in is one of the best she has ever been in. They are so understanding about everything including her addiction and with the communication they give back and forth both feel safe. Jades' wife is open-minded and as Jade does, they both just see things like craving someone's flesh or being attracted to someone else doesn't take from the love and relationship they have together. We are humans and some things we just have no control over. It's how we react to them that matters the most. So why not just let it happen if it's meant to and why work so hard making sure it doesn't. Something though Jade has faced in the past is one of two things happening, either they start to catch feelings, or it ruins the friendship, and sometimes both. And Jade is getting tired of losing people she cares about and gets close to.

"You know Alaric if I let myself flirt and something happens between us it might end our friendship and I don't want that to happen again. Violet is an amazing friend I just don't want to lose."

"Do you even know what causes these urges to happen or a trigger?"

Jade thought for a moment if there really was a trigger. "You know, not really. If someone is mentally or physically attractive to me, not all the time, but most of the time a thought or two will happen but they have been happening since we started talking as friends. She carries a conversation, starts them, and just engages period. Then she is beautiful with these earth soil rich brown eyes, and they melt me for some reason." Jade pauses for a moment thinking of the time when she first stared into them. Knowing Violet most likely never knew the effects she gave Jade staring into her eyes. Jade knows she could go on and on, but she decided to end it there. "She didn't have to do anything but be herself cause that's what was attractive about her. You know I even mentioned these thoughts once to her and how I hold back my flirting on purpose and her answer was, 'That a little flirting is harmless'."

"Can't it be? Harmless, I mean."

She looked up at him and smirked. "Do you think I can be harmless?"

"Then tell me what wouldn't be so harmless if you got what you wanted."