Oblivious || Spencer Reid x Original Character

Chapter 9: Don't Want To Feel Like This

"A sad soul can kill you quicker – far quicker – than a germ." – John Steinbeck

Rory leaned her head against the small window of the plane, finding solace in the quiet hum of the engine that permeated the cabin. Most of the team had succumbed to sleep shortly after takeoff. Despite the brevity of the flight, she understood their need to rest; it had been a grueling night. The Unsub, Danny Smith, loomed in her thoughts.

His recent separation from his wife of six months had triggered the downward spiral, fuelled by the revelation that she had been concealing a relationship with another woman throughout their marriage. Rory felt a pang of nausea at the injustice of it all. The fear of reprisal from her family and community had kept the wife silent about her true self, and rather than finding empathy for the woman he claimed to love Smith had chosen to murder 3 women who also had not been prepared to be open about themselves.

Rory was glad she guarded her heart so dearly. Settling for limerence over love. Although even if she had found the latter she would never been certain. She had never seen it, she had never felt it not even as a child. She was exploited, manipulated, forged into whatever they needed her to be, but never truly loved. She was certain that if love entered her life she wouldn't give it a second glance, she wouldn't even recognise it.

Rory's breath caught in her throat. Withdrawal had been hard. Starting over had been hard. But in this moment sobriety was hard. She never wanted the drugs. Never wanted to dull the pain she had felt for a moment. Not that she was some masochist, she just needed the pain to remind her she was alive. To remind her she was alive. But now?

Now all she wanted was the sweet relief offered at the end of the needle. The nothingness.

Rory couldn't shake the profound sadness that lingered within her. It was all encompassing and weighed so deep she didn't even look up as Spencer came to sit beside her. She could feel his eyes fixated on her. Scanning over every inch of her frame, she wondered if he could see the storm swirling inside of her threatening to breakthrough her walls at any moment.

* * *

Spencer Reid knew something was wrong but found himself unable to identify what was bothering the blonde girl beside him. To him she was a riddle wrapped inside a mystery inside an enigma. When he looked at her, he felt like his mind was slipping and when she looked at him, he felt damn near stupid.

"You did good," he says quietly to her, resisting the urge to ask if she was okay. Knowing how easily the question could cause someone to unravel, and though he would be perfectly content to help her through whatever trouble plagued her he didn't want to push her.

Rory smiles over at him softly, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks at his plaudit. She turned to look at him and found herself lost in his amber eyes. "So did you," she whispers back. The soft curve of his own smile speaking volumes. Rory's heart fluttered in her chest, the unfamiliar feeling strangely comforting as they held each others gaze.

"I'm sorry about uh..." she stammers thinking back to their moment in the club. The memory of straddling his lap, the warmth of his hands on her waist, replayed like a reel in her mind. She glanced down at her hands, her bottom lip between her teeth as she searched for a way to express herself.

Spencer's brow furrowed slightly, curiosity piqued by her sudden hesitation. "About what?" he asked gently, his voice barely above a whisper.

Rory swallowed hard, her nerves dancing beneath her skin. She took a deep breath, meeting his gaze once more. "About... what happened at the club," she admitted, her voice barely audible over the hum of the plane as she dropped her gaze back to her hands. Spencer's heart began to pound against the walls of his chest. He couldn't deny the rush of adrenaline that surged through him at the memory of their closeness, "I-I didn't mean to..." she continues, "I mean, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable..." she tucks her blonde hair behind her ears.