The Waters That Hated

From the Deep

Nearly twenty years had passed since Joos death, and there I was, sitting on our viewing platform, lost in the past and focused on that little trail that had led us to terror. With sadness, my gaze wandered in the direction of the hidden plateau, the flowers, and... Joo's remains, if they hadn't been digested long ago. I also thought of Jia, the chubby little Jia who had grown into a beautiful but sickly woman that had died far too young during the miscarriage of her daughter. I thought of Hyeon and Deiji, who had gotten married and lived down near the sea, and of Ayeum, who still remained in her old house with her father and was decaying more and more on the inside due to her loss. Finally, I managed to tear myself away completely from my thoughts and looked back at Gipeun and the adjacent sea.

The bay that bordered our hometown was vast and entirely surrounded by rocky, mountainous hills, all at least as large as the one on which our viewing platform was located at. Beyond the land, the ocean lurked greedily, giving me dizzy vibes just looking at it. Dirty and foamy, it lay there that evening, seemingly digesting all the waste and ignorance of the people, waiting for careless sailors to drag into its gurgling depths. Pale lights shimmered on the black surface of the sea, reminding me of all the men who ventured out there daily on their small boats to defy the sea and bring us fish so that hunger wouldn't completely overwhelm us. The city itself was not brightly lit; there was no real electricity, and only in the city center could one find a few small lanterns cutting through the night.

My gaze wandered to our neighborhood. I thought of you, Joon-Ho, sleeping next to my mother, and how much I loved you. How much I hoped you could grow up in a different place than this stinking, rotten part of the country. I finally decided to go back home and began to make my way down the mountain, leaving the viewing platform behind. My path led me past the desolate slopes, back to the town and down the hills.

Perhaps I should have gone straight home, immediately back to you, but something inside me prompted me to take a detour through the harbor. To breathe the sea breeze up close one more time. Besides, I often went to the sea and looked out when your father was away overnight, out there between the waves. I missed him a most when he worked out there for days – toiling for us.

Soon, I walked past houses that were built from dilapidated wood and old clay, some roofed with straw, some protected by bricks, huddled in the night, the small plots surrounded by fences. On my way to the harbor, I passed by gardens that had been planted everywhere to at least secure some food for the upcoming winter. Dim oil lamps shone from some of the houses into the night, and I could hear the families inside, laughing or more often arguing, and occasionally, something being thrown against a wall and shattering loudly. Once again, I was reminded of what a hellish place all of this was around me. I liked the people, the community, but the place itself... the circumstances were numbing and threatened to desensitize me even back then. You know I was very emotionless towards you, Joon-Ho, never really ready for a joke and always withdrawn. I think one of the reasons is that Gipeun's bleakness rubbed off on me. I'm sorry that I couldn't show you what you mean to me and how much I love you, but you will never understand me, because you didn't experience what the city did to me. What the city did to everyone... And what invaded into the houses and the people. It began on that evening, I'm sure of it.

When I finally finished my walk to the sea, I paused for a moment to catch my breath.

I stood on the only small piece of coastline that was not rocky or lined with quay walls but still consisted of the old sand, that had been washed ashore a long time ago. Algae and dirty pieces of driftwood were scattered around me, covered in oily slime, and it smelled strongly of dead fish—the scent that the fishing boats brought with them after they had taken the sea's inhabitants, only to kill and eat them later. Fish, just like rice, grains, and cabbage, was one of the main food sources in Gipeun, but the fishing business always seemed dirtier and more disgusting to me than any harvest could ever be.