The Waters That Hated

Black Waters

The incident by the sea had deeply disturbed me, and I fell asleep restlessly when I arrived back home. You, as always, slept beside me, and your presence gave me solace, allowing me to push aside what I had witnessed. It must have been nothing, just a silly quarrel among sailors and a dead thing from the deep sea that had ventured too close to the surface. That happened sometimes. Very, very rarely, but not never. Whether it was a strange fish with an odd growth or a whale with the marks of large suction cups on its body, every few years, you'd find remnants of the depths of the ocean. Almost as if it wanted to remind you that it was there, lurking.

Your peaceful breathing relaxed me, Joon-Ho, it always did. I admired your calm sleep, despite the sometimes terrible things happening around you. You gifted me with yet another unexpectedly peaceful, dreamless sleep that night, and I woke up late the next morning. Your father still hadn't returned, and your grandmother had already left to help her friend repair some window shutters, so I decided to visit Deiji and talk to her about the previous night. I just had to tell someone, someone I trusted with my life. So, I held you close and made my way down to the harbor district.

During the day, the Gipeun didn't look much more inviting than it did in the evening. People were now tending to their gardens, hoping for a successful harvest before winter to make ends meet, and a few were taking care of the animals they kept - chickens and rabbits, but occasionally also a dog. As I looked at the grim, focused faces on my way down, faces that, like mine, knew little in life beyond work and the fear of illness, weather, and starvation, I held you tightly. I cursed silently, knowing that you, too, would grow up in this hell, that one day you'd be squatting somewhere in the dirt, watering a few measly cabbage heads while crushing snails and other pests. I am infinitely grateful that I now know you were spared from this fate, Joon-Ho. I'm glad you're growing up in a better country, but back then, those thoughts burned my soul.

I greeted the people I recognized. I knew some of the townsfolk, had grown up with a few, helped them with household chores as a child, or looked after their animals. Others I had encountered while doing my community work all over the city. There was something that bound me to them, a network of solidarity that had grown with me throughout my whole life. Though the town was pure hopelessness, the community was the only safety there was. Next to family, of course.

It was a long way down, but eventually, I arrived at Deiji's house. She and Hyeon had married more than ten years ago and had moved into Hyeon's parents' house together. A small part of me quietly wondered if Joos' death had ultimately brought them closer. If without our trip everything would have turned out as it had. But, I quickly dismissed those thoughts. I was glad that at least something good had come out of all the horrors. My friends' house was white and had a front yard with some corn plants growing in it. I knew Deiji treated them with the greatest care, almost as if they were the child she had not been able to have. Holding you close to me, I knocked on the front door and eventually entered. Deiji was sitting at her simple kitchen table, breaking down some ears of grain, probably to bake bread. She was sweating and looked up. She gazed at us, momentarily looking as if she were staring into the distance, but then she smiled and stood up to greet us.

I sometimes wonder if you remember anything. Her scent? Her voice? What did you take with you from that place, and what did you leave behind? I would like to ask you that, Joon-Ho, but you probably don't remember anything anymore. After all, you were just a little child, almost a baby...

"Haru! Are both of you okay? Has Eun come back home yet? Is your mother still in good health?"

"Yes, we're doing well. My mother is with Nari, helping her repair some window shutters that were damaged by the storm. Eun is still out at sea, but I'm sure he'll be back soon. How about you? And Hyeon?"