the world beyond - oneshots

RHEASTI I AM KILLING MYSELF

rhea and asti were having a sleepover, the first one since.. well, rhea doesn't want to think about it.
it won't happen again, it's over.

but what if its not? what if asti tries again? what if.. what if she succeeds next time..?

rhea couldn't shake the thought, every time they were with asti, every time they saw them at school, or when they'd hang out.
all they could think about was asti in the hospital, getting infused, with a nasal cannula, with her parents scolding her.

they remembered that day clearly, how could they not?
they were in history class, when the principal came in and took rhea out.

rhea thought they were getting punished for beating up some other kids, but apparently it was more serious than that.

their parents picked them up, and quietly told rhea about what happened.

they drove to the hospital.

asti was sleeping, rhea said thank god, even though they were an atheist.
their faith in a divine being was only slightly restored that day.

they didn't talk about it much, rhea suddenly felt so awkward with astra, and they'd look into every little thing he'd do.
he forgot to eat breakfast? oh god he must be starving himself now.
he cut himself by accident and paid no mind to it? oh god, he must be self harming now.
they were in a kiosk and asti walked by the drugs section? oh god, she's planning another attempt.

rhea couldn't shake the thought.
they were in highschool, and they were very irresponsible, so they were.. perhaps, maybe, a little bit tipsy.
rhea took their dads whisky, they had so much just sitting around so he wouldn't notice anyways.

rhea's parents were out, they were home alone (save for rhea's dog), and they were pretty calm, just laughing and watching some lame tv show.

but rhea couldn't focus, all they could think was 'what if i loose this some day?', and they will. they just don't know it yet.
but they had nothing to worry about, at least not yet.

asti seemed to pick up on this, and slightly reluctantly, asked:

'ree, whats up?'
her voice sounded so lovely to rhea.
they hoped they wouldn't have to let go of it. ever.

'mmh? uh, no, nothing, sorry. i'm okay.'
they replied, their mind felt like slushy, difficult to navigate, they were zoned out.
rhea was a lightweight, clearly, and they hardly registered the arm wrapped around them.

asti tilted her head.
'liar.. just.. spit it out, it's fine.. i mean, we need to talk about it eventually.'
she sighed, looking down and pausing the tv.

rhea felt their eyes well with tears.
'...why..?'
they asked quietly, voice shaking.

'..i.. i don't know, i just.. i didn't wanna live.. i guess.'
asti muttered quietly.

'why..? why would you feel that way..?'
rhea wiped their tears, voice cutting out shakily as they started to sob.

asti looked away, she lacked empathy, but seeing rhea cry just felt.. wrong, to her.

'i.. i just don't really see a point in life.. if i'm just gonna die some day, and all i'll do is suffer because..'
she trailed off.
'..well.. you know..'
she muttered almost uncomfortably.

'but you manage it so well..'
rhea sobbed.

'do i..? i.. i feel like i don't. not really.'
asti mumbled, glancing at rhea.

they looked pathetic.

'you do. really,'
rhea whispered, looking down.

'i'm so awkward.. and i hate people. i can't work in groups, i'm.. i'm reclusive, i'm angry, i'm annoyed. everything bothers me. i'm paranoid, sometimes. i can't handle other people.'
asti looked away.
'i feel like a robot. i can't empathize, i'm mean. all i think when other people feel anything at all is 'wow. thats annoying'. n- not you, obviously. don't worry,'
they added that last bit to comfort rhea, though it wasn't necessary, they already knew they didn't bother asti.

'but you're not. you're a human being asti. you're your own person, and sure you have flaws, but everyone does. i'm hot-headed, annoying, stubborn, and i get easily stressed when others don't do what i say.'
they took one of asti's hands, squeezing it.
'you have good qualities too. you give good advice, you're smart, you try your very best to be the best friend you can be, and even if its not much.. you succeed.. at least to me, anyways,'
they whispered, asti hummed, sighing as they just flopped into rhea.

'i'm sorry.. for.. not talking to you about any of this sooner.. i'm sure you got so stressed when you found out..'
she sighed, her tone wasn't the most earnest or sincere, but she still meant it on some level.
'and i'm glad you think so highly of me.. i don't really know what i'd do without you.. my life would probably just be one big 'bleh'..'
she said through a yawn.

'don't worry about it, you were stressing too. you can always talk to me.. even if you don't always get emotional about it.. i'm such a sucker for you, it wouldn't matter.'
they chuckled, asti laughed quietly.

'make sure you put the whiskey back..'

..

'i'm such a sucker for you that i'll wait a thousand years for you to remember me. and if thats not enough, then i'll wait a thousand more.'

..

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