"Can't Buy Me Love" [3] G. Hawthorne

17 - sip the gossip

Its been a minute 

TW: substance use, murder, blood, sexual assault attempt, 

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Kayla

It had been a while since I considered that maybe uni wasn't a good idea. That nothing was a good idea anymore.

I remember when my mom died, I was sitting in Matthais's apartment, crying and screaming till my throat was hoarse.

It wasn't Slatter's fault. I had chosen that life. It was my fault.

"Kayla, princess, listen, I'm here I'm here. Shhh, shhh." He had held me while I cried till my eyes felt ready to fall out.

Funny enough, when you're part of a mob that does work for the 5 New York Mafia families, you aren't offered safety quite often.

And with that came imminent death threats.

Fun times no?

Convinence store parking lots at night time as a woman are scary enough to walk through. Try being a female organised crime boss and having to carry a gun with you at all times.

Ah yes, America, the land where teenagers are sold guns as easy as they're sold fucking chocolate. 

Anyways, that night I was getting something from a 7/11. 

I got hungry and wanted a Twix or something.

I was walking back to my car and felt someone grab me from behind.

He was some fucker who'd gotten meth from us. 

Told me some shit about how I needed a lesson. Apparently one of his men was dead cause of us. I wasn't involved and I had 0 fucking clue how it happened.

But there I was with a 20 something year old dude trying to stick his hand down my jeans.

And then there I was sticking a knife through his gut repeatedly and racing off in my car.

Man I don't even think I got to eat my twix that night.

I took the knife with me.

I may have been a slightly high mess (I never did anything except weed and smoking cigarettes) but I wasn't stupid.

Thank fuck the store was 5 minutes from the apartment.

I pretty much collapsed the moment I was through the door.

"Kayla, Kayla it'll be alright, I'm so sorry princess its my fault, its all my fault."

It wasn't, it was mine.

And I told him that.

"No, no it isn't princess. I dragged you down this rabbit hole with me, I'm sorry Kayla, you'll never have to go through this again okay? I promise, I'll make sure you're safe. I love you Kayla, my princess, you're the only thing I need in my life."

I loved him too. I thought he was the love of my life.

He was.

I left him only a month before meeting Grayson.

We'd still be together if he hadn't made me leave.

He told me he did it cause he loved me and I believe him.

I may not love him anymore but I'll always believe him.

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I sat in the bathtub, my hair sopping.

The eyeliner I had put on that morning smudged around my eyes.

I hadn't smoked in nearly a year but I was considering it.

"Kayla?"

My eyes shot up from the ground to see Grayson looking at me.

"Look, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't apologise." I cut him off.

I was done with people telling me sorry when it was all my fault.

He was in swim trunks, his hair wet.

"Can I?" He asked, gesturing towards the bathtub.

"Gray I don't think we'll both-"

I should've known you should never tell a Hawthorne you doubted them.

Before I could finish, Grayson was in the bathtub with me.

"Will you please tell me what happened?"

So I did, I poured out everything.

Slatter, my mom's neglect, my sister's condecendence, my addiction.

Soon enough my face was in his chest and he was stroking my hair comforting me.

"I'm not going anywhere Kayla, I love you, you're the best thing to walk into my life and there's no way I'm letting you go. I love you more than life."

"You're my world Gray. My world, my universe, my fucking heart. It's yours and I never want you to give it back to me."

He kissed the top of my head.

"You're my world Kayla. You have me, body, mind and soul. I want to spend the rest of my life right by your side. If being with you is wrong I don't want to be right."

We stayed there till we shook with the London cold.

If only I'd actually told him everything.