Child of the void (Doctor Who)

Part IV (V)

"So... Guess aliens are real," I concluded, watching the Doctor read the output of a scan he had taken with some weird device. We were back in the med bay to see if the previous tests of his had yielded anything useful.

The Doctor chuckled and pushed his glasses up. He didn't look my way. "Thought you'd like the place. There was no better way to convince you."

I hummed. It was true. And it was strange how calm I felt about it all. Normally this would have freaked me out, in the best way possible. And maybe also in a few not so good ones. Now though, my feelings were calm, even. The panic had gone too, now that I could settle somewhat. There still remained a tiny possibility that they had abducted me or whatever, the Master's story seemed more legit. Something weird had happened during the life force transfer and now I lacked a big chunk of my memory; not more and not less unlikely as any other scenario.

"Try again," said the Doctor and attached a metal pin to my temple, a cold one. "What is the last memory you can access before waking up? I know it's uncomfortable, but please, try."

"'kay..." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying not to focus on anything specific.

Behind my eyes stretched a field of blackness, only broken by more, darker shapes. I could make out sounds and colours, scenes from days long gone by. My life had been too unsteady and too uniform at the same time. One day went by like the other, special occasions a rarity. There was my thirtieth birthday that not a single person had remembered until late in the evening when I had decided to drop a hint in a chat room. There were endless days of just wandering around, killing time. An afternoon with some acquaintances, sitting in the sun with a cool beer, chatting about everything and nothing.

I described it in a few details to the Doctor and he nodded, encouraging me to search further.

Someone had taken me on a hiking trip. An unexpected path led us to a part of the trail where it got obvious that the only way further was up. It wasn't too difficult and we didn't need ropes to climb. But for me it was exciting and when we stood at the top, marked by an iron cross, I felt like the whole world lay below me.

But that reached further back. I wanted to know about what lay closer. And again, each time my mind wandered to a place that could be anywhere near to when all of this had started, my head hurt all of a sudden. I couldn't get past it, everything started to shake and turn and I only realised that I was about to collapse when the Doctor caught my shoulders.

"It's alright. Don't stress yourself too much."

"Feels like I fall into a hole whenever I try, I groaned and leaned against his hands for support. And maybe also for comfort. "This's all so weird."

"I can imagine." The Doctor leaned down to give me a smile. "Want a hug? I'm a great hugger!"

I laughed and nodded. "Yeah. Please."

The Doctor beamed like a puppy and flung his long arms around me, squeezing me tight and long. I sighed into his shoulder and held on just as firm. Nothing about him alerted my instincts and so I simply enjoyed the gesture. He smelled like warm sunshine and also felt that way, a warm source of light that slowly seeped into me, a comfort I couldn't remember ever having before. And yet...

"That was thirty seconds," announced the Doctor proudly when he stepped back. "Humans need at least twenty to release oxytocin. That's the stuff that makes you feel good."

I chuckled. "Thanks. I really needed that." And, after a pause, I also asked, "and the tests? Did you get any results?"

Instantly, the Doctor's expression dropped. He pursed his lips and shook his head, looking like someone had just stolen his favourite toy. It almost made me grin and also wonder how a person could be so old and yet so childish. And then I wondered how I might know that he was old. Several centuries. And I told him so.