The best kept secret

Chapter 5: Siuan

Siuan stood alone in the centre of the dimly lit, circular room, surrounded by columns that reached the impossibly high ceilings of the Sun Palace. She glared expectantly at the door, her back to the Amyrlin Seat, counting her breaths; she felt as if she were standing on cracked glass, that would shatter the moment she saw them both, plunging into the abyss.

The large wooden doors abruptly opened, allowing Leane to enter, followed by two others. Siuan let out a shy and shaky exhale, her eyes immediately falling on the woman in a blue dress walking behind her. Moiraine. She looked exactly as she always had, dressed in lush clothes that matched the colour of her eyes, her hair done to perfection—the pinnacle of nobility and elegance to any inexperienced eye, but Siuan could tell. She could always tell, she could read her better than anyone else. Beneath that nonchalant, flawless facade, she looked hollow, empty. Her eyes sunken, her hair dim, her skin pale. And she sensed it, above all else, her being cut out from the Source. Siuan could almost feel her pain, her anguish, and it took every bit of strength in her not to run towards her, and embrace her, let her cry in her arms. As it took every bit of strength in her not to run towards her, and grab her by the shoulders, shake her until she forced some sense into the woman's head. How could she keep this from me? Betrayed felt too weak a word to describe what she was feeling.

Leane finally reached her and stepped aside, allowing the Amyrlin to greet her guests. Siuan finally drew her gaze away from Moiraine, who had been intentionally refusing to meet her eyes, and stared at the young girl beside her, her heart dropping on her chest. She'd always known Guinevere looked exactly like her mother, but seeing them side to side... they were like mirrors to each other.

Guinevere stood before her, in a lavish lavender dress with golden embroidery that shaped small flowers; her brown hair pulled into an elegant braided half updo, the fact that she was an Aes Sedai imperceptible to the eye, as her ring was turned into her palm. She doesn't like being recognised as one. The girl briskly looked at her, eyes flickering in diversion and the phantom of a smile on her lips, before bowing her head down to her, extending her arms, bending her knees into an effortlessly graceful curtsy. "Mother," the girl addressed her. And by a fisher's lament, how the word carved a hole into her heart each time she heard her say it.

Siuan had pictured that moment a thousand times, the moment her daughter called for her, but she could've never imagined such a simple word would some day cause her so much pain.

They had been so excited about having a baby; scared, at first, and who wouldn't? How would a child fit into the Tower? But the Aiel war was ending, their work as Blues was bound to become more futile with each passing day, and they would be able to leave Tár Valon, and raise their daughter together by the river; a happier life than Siuan could've ever wished for herself. She should've known it all was too good to come true.

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20 years ago

Siuan was closely following Moiraine's steps, hands tightly grasped together, a soft smile on her face as she heard her blubber about her family, about Cairhien, about them visiting the city and all the things she couldn't wait to show her, all of the things they would have to prepare for the baby, how excited she was about decorating a nursery, as she didn't get the chance of doing so when her nephew was born.

"My sister has such a stylish taste for decor, and my father is bound to surround the baby with presents—"

"Do you really think they'll like me?" Siuan interrupted her, coming to a standstill, apprehensive about the stark difference between the woman's noble background, and her own modest family.

Moiraine noticed her stop behind her, and turned around, turning her lips into an understanding smile on her face. "I'm more worried about you liking them," the woman replied, with a laugh, "my father is brilliant and kind, but he's absent minded and he's a bit vague. And my sister, too, she can be really..." Moiraine abruptly stopped talking, at the sight of Siuan's uneasy expression. "We don't have to go to Cairhien if you don't want to," she said, in a tender voice, eyebrows furrowing in concern, as she brushed the palm of her hand with her fingers, "it's just that I haven't seen them since before the war and now that it's over..." she began to explain, placing a hand over her vaguely swollen stomach, "I wish to tell them our news as well, my father will be delighted, and so will my sister—"