black Dahlia|| Craig Cody

35

dahlias pov
it's 3am and i can't sleep. not with this...anxiety over me with what craig and i decided earlier. i leave out his arms covering myself in his shirt and a pair of shorts grabbing a pack of cigs. i head out and sit by the pool lighting it sighing. i do want this. a baby. i raised deran in a way smurf wouldn't and i raised J as well. but yet i still yearn for it. but i don't want to pain craig and for my issues to push him away. baz and i...we tried. i miscarried a few times.

he abandoned me and went to lucy im assuming. andy pulled me out. "hey" speaking of the devil. he takes the cig and says "what's got you so wired up you're smoking a cig. you usually smoke weed or not at all" i tell him "craig and i are going to start trying for a baby" he pauses and then turns to me and smiles largely "no fucking way lia! come here" and hugs me. he smacks the back of my head "what are you doing smoking when you're trying" as i say "ow" and i tell him "im not even off my birth control yet andy. gonna stop dosing later in the morning."

he says "im happy for you kid. if anyone deserves this...a family...it's you" i say "what if i cant andy? hm? i just....dont want to lose him" craig. fiddling with my fingers. he grabs my hand "craig is all in lia. i've never seen him so invested before in my life. you don't have to worry about him fucking up and leaving. which is crazy for me to say...craig always fucks up...but the one thing he hasn't fucked up with is you lia"

i reply "he wants a baby. and i can tell he wants it so fucking bad andy. and i want to give him that. but i can't help but...want to protect myself when it comes to this. i don't want him to have his hopes up and love a baby and me lose it and break his heart. i don't want that distance. i don't want his hopes to be crushed and his light leave his eyes realizing that...im broken. m just a bunch of broken parts jumbled up resembling being put together" he turns to me "look at me" and i do both our feet in the pool "craig is not baz. fucks sake baz heard you cry out and went to check on you saw you miscarrying and left you on the bathroom floor. you are not broken dahlia. you never were. the world and baz are. look at me. you are so fucking loved by craig. by all of us. i know with your past your hesitant. afraid. do you want this?"

i say "of course i want this andy. i've always wanted it. j is my kid and so is deran. i raised and love them as my own. but i want the experience of having a baby of my own. a piece of me." "your illness isn't going to make it easy. we both know that. and craig does too. he loves you. craig ain't baz. never will be. rid of your anxieties. and just be. you love him and you both want this. so go for it. craig's not wavered yet and i know he won't. and i know you know it too lia. don't let baz and the shit he's done fuck this good thing up for you. what you're gonna do, is not drink, eat healthy, go off your birth control, and give me a niece or nephew alright. no worries and no panic. i want you happy" i chuckle "you know you just told me to go fuck your brother raw right?" he sucks his teeth and pushes my shoulder "shut up. but lia" i look at him "yeah andy?" he smiles "you're gonna be one hell of a mom...you already are" i hug him "you're gonna be the best uncle ever andy" he kisses my head "i love you kid" i smile "i love you more"