How Things Are

thirty six

My head hurts. It was one of those headaches where the slightest movement made it worse. Whatever was in that shot was awful. Why can't they make a knock-out drug when you wake up you feel light, fluffy, and well rested? Eventually, I have enough energy to stand and look around. I'm still in the hotel just a nicer bedroom. Someone clears their throat. Turning too fast hurts my head and I fall to my knees. I open my eyes when the pain eases and see Lucas.

He looks like he's in deep thought. Yet still bored. Bored but angry. Is he annoyed? No. My head hurts too much to think what his face is telling me. He stirred a drink with one hand while he rested the other arm on the armchair he sat in like a king. This is the first time I'm in his bedroom. Well not his bedroom but he sleeps here. What is wrong with me? He clears his throat again and I look up at him. "Yes"

"You have two options." He reaches out and takes the remote on the side table in his hand. "Option one." Lucas pressed a button on the remote and I heard screaming. I look behind me and the TV screen shows Leo being tortured. His nails are being removed. I never had it done to me, but seeing it done makes me shrivel back. His face isn't recognizable anymore. There are burns and cuts on his body. I swallow back my vomit, remembering I'm in Lucas' presence.

I slowly turn back to him only to see him standing, watching my reaction. "The second option?" I ask
He finishes his drink and crosses the room to pour himself another, leaving the TV on as they torture Leo. "He's one of your men. Loyal to you." I say in a whisper. "Why would you-"

Lucas grabs my face "he thought it was ok to sell what was mine." Then he lets me go. He goes back to his seat and watches Leo's thumbnail being removed. "Is that Loyalty to you?"

I gulp. He watches for some time and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to hear it but he won't tell me the second option yet. This is why Leo wanted to blame me. It's understandable. "What would you have done to him if he told you the truth?"

Lucas looks at me "His punishment would have been less severe." He looks past me, thinking, "Probably leave him somewhere. See if he survives." He says more to himself than to me. He isn't known for being the most feared without reason.

The screams have stopped. I look. He isn't dead, just passed out from pain. " will you kill him?"

"I'm not sure." He swirls the ice in his glass "He could resent me and become a trader if I let him live."

"Or he'll fear you more, never doing it again." Lucas looks into my eyes. I can see he has a slight buzz he's not intoxicated. I've never seen him drunk. He probably never allowed himself to be.
I've been walking on a thin rope already talking to him like I have. Being warned about my questions but I couldn't help myself. "Has anyone you let live betray you before?" I ask, hoping it is more subtle.

His expression grew hard "I've never let anyone live to find out."
Before I can say anything else he stands up making my nerves turn in all directions. "Go take a shower. Wash your injuries. Then we'll talk about option two." He picks up his phone. Before I reach his door he stops me "Where are you going?"

"To my room to shower."

"You damaged your room enough." He points to his shower "And I don't trust you not to run. Use mine."

"Um. My clothes." I studder

There's a robe. He says before putting his phone up to his ear ending the conversation.

When I shut the door everything I do is clumsy. From forgot my katana was on so it fell to the floor like I dropped an ordinary kitchen knife. The strap wouldn't untie on my uniform, my fingers were fumbling with it aggressively. When it finally slipped off it was a knotted mess. I just kicked off my panties that flew across the room, into the toilet. Great. He's gonna think I have a sweaty butt. Then finally my bra broke. I wasn't surprised though. I've been sewing it up over and over again.

Finally getting into the shower, the water was cold at first but I didn't care. I needed it to wake me up and snap out of what was going on. Either death by torture or whatever Lucas has planned. Option B was rattling through my brain. He could send me to my father. I haven't even said his name for the sake of him finding me again. He could give me to Derek. He could kill Winwrey. I haven't seen her in so long. What is it?

By the time I'm out and running a towel through my hair I've calmed down enough to face Lucas. Wrapping the robe around me and tossing my clothes in his hamper I come out and he's still sitting in that chair, this time reading on a smaller screen Teedo called a tablet. The big TV still shows Leo sleeping. I have a feeling he did that on purpose.

He looks up when I get close enough. He points to the stool that has been placed across from him and I sit. More reading on his magic screen. If it were anyone else I'd stand up and find something else to do. But it's Lucas. The weight of my life is in those man's hands. If only he'd take it more seriously than whatever he has on his tablet.

He finally shuts it off, puts it on the table next to him, and looks at me. "Come here."

My eyes raised but I stand and move closer to him.

"Hmm. Closer." He crossed his fingers

"Wha-" his look doesn't give me another question. I just move closer.

"Good" Then Lucas pulls my arm and I'm sitting on his lap. It's so many things. Chills, but not horrible. My stomach twists. This is nerving but most of all humiliating. Is messing with my head. As a proud swordswoman, I should should get up. I've fought for where I am. Yet right now, I'm on Lucas's lap and shaking, not sure what to do. "Do you see?" He states "These are your options."

He takes my chin and has me look at the TV screen while his other hand rubs up my leg. I become stiff and he takes that opportunity to push me against his chest. He makes me watch as Leo continues being tortured while he opens my robe and plays with my body. His body. I haven't felt this vulnerable in a very long time yet I'm lost on how to feel.  Disgusted with myself. With him. With the only option I'm given.

We watch him wake up and scream louder as Lucas moves us to the bed and I'm still as stiff as cardboard. He makes his way inside of me while I'm on my keys. And he holds my hair, making me watch Leo in pain while he brings me pain with his unnatural size. I scream as Leo does yet for different reasons. Pleasure.  And when I think Lucas is done, I feel him harden again. He is a monster and I'm allowing it. Whenever my eyes close or I try to look away he tugs my hair harder and stops moving inside of me. He it twisting my mind. I feel awful yet satisfied.

When he's done he falls asleep like a baby. Like he did nothing wrong. My mind is in torment. I haven't cried since Simon died, but this man has done something I didn't think possible yet I can't kill him. I can't seek out revenge. I allowed it to happen.
I get up hollow and in pain. My legs wobbly. I take another shower and put my clothes back on. There's no way I can sleep in the same bed with him. Taking a seat next to the window I watch the sun rise.