A Diary Of Broken Heart

Diary Of Broken Heart #18

Chapter 18:  Explanation

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It was an ordinary Saturday morning, or at least, that’s what I told myself as I prepared to head out. The air was warm with the promise of summer, the streets bustling with life. I decided to visit the farmer's market downtown, hoping to lose myself in the colors and scents of fresh produce, the hum of people chatting and vendors calling out their wares.

As I wandered through the stalls, a familiar voice caught my ear. My heart skipped a beat, and I turned instinctively. There he was, just a few feet away, engrossed in conversation with a vendor over a bunch of sunflowers. My breath caught in my throat, and for a moment, I was frozen, a wave of emotions crashing over me.

Seeing him again, after all this time, felt surreal. The person who had once been my everything now stood before me, yet we were strangers. I could see the slight changes in him—a bit more stubble, a different haircut—but his essence remained the same. It was as if the past year had evaporated, and we were back to the times when his presence was a given in my life.

I tried to compose myself, to decide whether to approach or turn and walk away. My feet, however, had a mind of their own, and I found myself moving toward him. He turned just as I reached him, his eyes widening in surprise. For a moment, we simply stared at each other, the air thick with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.

“Hi,” I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Hi,” he replied, looking as stunned as I felt.

The noise of the market faded into the background as we stood there, caught in the pull of our shared history. He gestured toward a quieter corner, and I nodded, following him. We found a bench away from the crowd, and sat down, the silence between us heavy with anticipation.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t expect to see you either,” I replied, my voice trembling slightly. “But now that I have… I think we need to talk.”

He nodded, his expression serious. “Yeah, we do.”

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. “I’ve spent the last year trying to move on from us, and I’ve made progress. But seeing you now, it’s like all the questions I buried have come rushing back. I need to understand why we ended. I need closure.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I owe you that. I know I left a lot of things unsaid, and I’m sorry for the way I handled everything.”

I nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety. “Why did you leave, Nathan? What happened between us?”

He looked away for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “It wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I did, so much. But I was scared. Scared of how much I loved you, scared of losing myself in the relationship, scared of failing you.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I had always sensed his fears but hearing them articulated brought a new level of clarity. “Why didn’t you talk to me about it? We could have faced those fears together.”

“I didn’t know how,” he admitted. “I thought leaving was the easier option, that maybe you’d be better off without me.”

I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. “You didn’t give me a choice, Alex. You just left. Do you have any idea how that shattered me?”

His face crumpled with regret. “I’m so sorry. I was a coward. I couldn’t face my own insecurities, so I ran. It was the worst mistake of my life.”