Yet Broken Still You Breathe

Chapter 5

"But when she was scared, she was a child again, and she was more afraid of being a child than anything else in her life." - Tamsyn Muir

"I still don't understand why the assassin had to come with us," Alistair grumbled as he stirred the beginnings of stew over the smouldering fire, flames licking up the grease-stained sides of the blackened pot. Gwen, who had been assigned chopping duty - much to her chagrin - was sitting across from Alistair. She let out a deep sigh, she couldn't help but think that it was glaringly obvious, despite not being an expert on human or elf relations.

Instead of bothering to find the words to explain to the silently fuming Grey Warden why his question had a simple answer, she reached over to where he sat, her long, bony fingers grasping his goateed chin, the sharp tips of her nails resting against his surprisingly soft cheeks, having recently been shaven of stubble. Alistair's eyes widened at her touch - causal like it came naturally to her - and he froze in the middle of his stirring, the wooden spoon frozen in his grasp. Gwen hadn't really thought about it when she'd first gone to touch him. Before Alistair could open his mouth to offer what would most likely be some sort of joking question that Gwen wouldn't know how to answer, she turned his face away from her and towards where they stood, Darcy and Zevran - the latest addition to their team; an elf, and up until recently a crow assassin. They had crossed paths when he tried to ambush and eliminate them on behalf of Loghain's contract with the crows. Her touch was like lightning, electric and fleeting, and she released him as if he were made of flames that threatened to consume her. She pointed to the two elvhen men, Zevran's back was to them, but from the taller elf's flirtatious smile and half-lidded eyes, it wasn't difficult to guess what they were talking about, and what they may be getting up to later that night.

Gwen pulled back and refocused on chopping the potatoes. She wasn't the type of person who gave others casual and friendly physical contact, what on Thedas had she been thinking? She would concede that she hadn't actually been thinking at all, she'd let herself get too comfortable with his disarming presence once again and let go of all her boundaries in favour of being close to him. Just yesterday she had adamantly told herself she couldn't let this happen, she'd pulled away and hastily rebuilt the walls around herself. Yet there she was, having thrown away all her values, the boundaries she'd erected to keep herself safe for years, all because one kind man had smiled at her and attempted to talk to her like she was a regular person. She frowned to herself, she had to do better, this was not the purpose of her mission. She needed to focus.

"So we picked up a former Crow assassin - who tried to kill us, in case you'd forgotten - for his good looks and charm?" Alistair looked back towards her, exasperation written across his features.

Gwen, who had busied herself with chopping the potatoes into perfectly sized cubes said plainly and without thinking, "You didn't pick me up for my good looks and charm?"

Alistair blinked owlishly at her and Gwen pursed her lips under her bandana as she continued chopping like nothing was amiss. She'd meant for that to come out as a joke, but given that she'd spoken with the same tone as a Chantry mother lecturing about the importance of memorizing the Chant, it hadn't come across as intended. She ducked her head, her hair falling in her face and obscuring her from view. She hoped he'd just leave it and chalk it up with the other strange things she had a habit of saying. Let him think she was delusional, maybe then he'd start to leave her alone more often. After all, that is what she kept telling herself that she wanted.

To his credit, Alistair recovered quickly and a wide grin spread across his face, "Did our resident grouchy rogue just make a joke, Maker tell me it isn't so?" His overdramatization and the hand he'd clutched to his chest as though his heart would stop from shock were enough to pull a snorted laugh from her.