Yet Broken Still You Breathe

Chapter 6

"Still there is this terrible desire to be loved.
Still there is this horror at being left behind." - Michael Cunnigham

"I'm sorry for what I said the other night, I promise I didn't mean anything by it."

Gwen had been evading Alistair's attempts to speak with her ever since their abrupt parting around the campfire. He had been pursuing her all day as they travelled towards the Circle Tower, but it wasn't until they met with Knight-Commander Greagoir that he was finally able to catch up and address what was weighing on his mind. As she walked alongside him, Gwen couldn't help but feel a sense of unease, like a shadow following her every move. She could sense the tension between them, like a tightly coiled spring ready to snap at any moment. For now, she chose to remain silent and keep her distance, unsure of what would happen when he finally got her attention.

It was taking all her energy to hold back her barely simmering rage over what the Templar had said. Treating mages as though they were no better than diseased livestock, killing the herd so they could ensure that it didn't get out. The mages had been locked up in a gilded cage, for the crime of being born. She was disgusted with herself for how naive she'd been, thinking that the Circles were safe places. She understood now why Alistair had looked at her like she had two heads during their argument.

It struck a little too close to home for Gwen, and she felt an itch build under her skin, begging her to run and never turn back. But she couldn't, she had a mission to complete, so instead she stood a few feet away from where Darcy was bartering with a merchant, her gaze unfocused and her face impassive as she struggled to keep her feelings in check and not attempt to slaughter the remaining Templars. She understood now why Leliana, Morrigan, and Sten had opted out of accompanying them, no one liked a cage.

She blinked at Alistair as he appeared beside her, nervously wringing his hands as he smiled apologetically. It took her some time to process his words as she switched from rage to confusion to anxiety, and Alistair filled her silence with more words that seemed to bubble up out of him like vomit, "You know how I am, I just keep talking and talking until I eventually end up with my foot in my mouth or slapped across the face, which you didn't do that, of course, and I appreciate your restraint, especially considering I was being pushy and talking about things I clearly do not-"

Gwen held up a hand and cut him off from his rambling, unable to keep up with what he was saying, "It's fine, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I..." Alistair frowned, his hands dropping to his sides, "I didn't?"

Gwen shook her head, her hair falling to partially obscure her face so the lie was less detectable, "I was tired, that's all."

"Oh." Alistair looked like he wanted to argue - like he didn't believe her - and he let out a light sigh, "In any case, I wanted to say that you don't have to show me what's under your mask, I won't force you, but I hope you know that you don't need to wear it for our sakes. We'd like to have you around for meals."

She wore it for their sake as well as her own, but she didn't need to tell him that and would much rather just have this conversation over with, "Okay."

Alistair's smile was tinged with hopefulness but he did not get the chance to respond as Darcy walked swiftly between them, his arm linked with an equally smug Zevran, a smirk adorning his face. Darcy winked at Gwen and she scowled back at him.

"Come on you two!" Darcy said merrily, "We have some mages to save."

Alistair nodded at their leader and grinned at Gwen, doing a sweeping gesture with his hand and bowing his head, "After you, My Lady."