"I never want you to leave me." He whispers eerily close to my lips.
"Aww is my baby scared?" I played around with him, teasing him.
"I'm serious."
"Will you cry if I leave you forever ...will you be sad?"
"I won't feel sad, I won't cry. I'm incap...
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315 days later....(almost a year later)
When Aiden said he would give me the space... I didn't knew it would be so long. As if, he disappeared from the face of earth. I really thought I could survive the space, funny how I started missing him within 2 months of separation, it was so pathetic that I even went through London Buisness news and what not just so I could find something about him. But it was all in vain. Like I said he disappeared from the face of earth. Probably hibernating in the Himalayas or somewhere.
I didn't expect him to last so long... I underestimated him and overestimated myself.
I never gathered the courage to be the one to text him and tell him I miss him already, as crazy as it is. My mother taught me better than this, taught me better than to miss someone who has blood in his hand, but, well I guess I was never good at following instructions.
My mental health took a downfall in the initial months, which I'm glad Aiden didn't get to witness. I retreated in my shell at that time, the shell I had hard time coming out of, My academics took the blunt of my bad mental health. There were days when I was just a body no soul, staring at nothing in particular, hours passed by and the day ends, just like that. That's how the first two months went in blur. There were days when I mourn the loss of my bestfriend, my twin flame. My mother constant inquiry of the said bestie didn't help my state either. Three months later, the decision to move away from my parents house and force myself a change is what's bringing me back to my normal self.
I moved away, to a new apartment. Reason being, the old apartment owner was a dick all the time and never maintained his building, I mean that's what I told my mum. Far from the reality. Took time to get used to the new setting for being alone. By the fifth month, I started missing Aiden like a love sick puppy. His warmth, the safety he provided and the comfort he brought along with himself. I realized, in room full of people that send me into anxious state, his embrace brought me to my head space, kept me rooted to reality. I thought the time would pass by before I realize and he would be back on my ass, but no, as if he found a way out, decided the head ache is not worth it and left for good. I mean I wouldn't blame him, I came with a lot of baggage that were uncalled for. It gave me a chest ache the first time I had this thought, usually I would term it as Angina but it's far from it, especially when I know the reason behind it.
So, to dull the ache in my chest, I spiraled into bad habits, I started my frequent visit to this overcrowded club in the end of the streets, dancing the sweat and energy of my body. It didn't take me much to reach the high and let the control of my body go, the energy emitting from the crowd here is enough. At first, the guilt of going the wrong way to evade the pain ate me up but the feeling of letting go fogged up any logic remain. The art of letting go, having an empty brain, no thoughts whatsoever was the new high. My sweaty body grind against the stranger I just met, the feminine hand slid across my hips and down to my thighs, pulling my dress just enough to expose a bit more skin but not enough to give anyone the sneak peak. My finger bunch up my hair in a ponytail, exposing my slender neck and bare back. I lost the complete control of my body. Letting it move along the beat with my eyes closed. I lost my dance partner somewhere in between when a man came and whisked her away, now it's all couple eating each other's face on the dance floor.
