"I like it when you scream my name" he said arrogantly, pressing his body on mine. Is he fucking serious right now? I raised my hand so I can really slap him this time.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me even closer to him. Our lips touching slightly . There was a moment of silence between us where we stared into each other's eyes. Involuntarily I closed my eyes. "i'm stuck in this fucking situation of wanting you, wanting to fight for you and trying to forget you"  Max finally broke the silence. A trace of anger and nervousness in his voice. "We both ignore trying to pretend there is nothing between us, when it's so obivious that it is. We know this wasn't supposed to end like this" punching the door right next to my ear, making me flinch. I was speechless, just couldn't manage to speak out because all of this was confusing me way too much. Soon after there was a knock on the other side of the door "Max, the press conference is about to start in 5 minutes" a woman said, and I took advantage and opened the door to leave.

I ran as fast as I could from the Redbull area feeling how the tears were falling on my cheeks. Without having any clue where to go I took a taxi and said to the driver to take me to the beach. I only hand my phone with me, leaving my bag back at the medical center.

Arriving at the beach my mind begun to calm down. I was walking barefoot on the shore thinking how badly i've changed since Max. How he have changed me. All my life i used to be the type of woman to have the words upon my sleeve and now, I couldn't even count the times he left me speechless. I ve always been a tough woman but he is proving me how weak I am.Weak because I am lacking the courage to face my true feelings and confess them to Charles and to him as well. Thinking about all the consequenses if I ever confess to Charles. It was so quiet that my lungs were feeding the fear and forgetting how to breathe properly.
The living earth was pulsing beneath my feet and the only thing in my mind was to lay down in the middle of the road with my arms opened and my eyes fixed on the sky. But the sky didn't want to reflect back. Maybe dust got into my eyes, blinding me. By only seeing the bad in all the situation, and only thinking about bad things amd worst case scenarios.

Oh God, i wish i could remove Max from my everything because i am so sick of feeling so betrayed when I shouldn't be. He acts like he is sorry, i think?! But still having his ex around so they could still fuck from to time. I shook my head a couple of times, not wanting to go over there with the thoughts. Because, who am I to pretend to be perfectly perfect when I myself was fucking another while being in love with him. Still this wasn't an excuse for talking  the way he did.

When the last drop of the sun went out I took out my phone and saw that Charles called me several times. Diana too. I panicked a little and hurried to the taxi lane.

"Oh my fucking God, where have you been? I was so worried " Charles said when I entered the room. Trying my very best to put an act to pretend that everything was fine  "i went for a walk at the beach near by and spoke with my mother at the phone. Sorry, i just lost track of time" smiling so fake it hurt my mouth. But Charles believed me. I went into the bathroom to take a shower. Turning on the water at maximum so I can realese the tears and placing my hand over the mouth.

On sunday morning before heading to the track Charles told me we should go together to Monaco right after the race. "Finally you'll come at my home country, i can't wait to show you all the places" he said with such enthusiasm making me feel even more miserable, if that is possible. I pretended to be happy even though there was a deep dark abyss inside of me.

Of course, Max won the Spanish GP. It is incredible how well he can detach himself when he's behind the steering wheal of his car. I wish i can have the same abilities. Unfortunately for Charles he had to retire his car because of a failure. It was the first 1-2 podium of that season for the Redbull drivers but what was even sadder, Carlos lost the podium on his home grandprix.

Right after the race we flew off to Monaco. He suggested I should talk with the staff to not book for me a hotel room since I will be staying at his place. But I didn't

"Welcome to my little place of stay" he opened the door and gestured I enter in first. He's flat was quite neat for a man living by himself.
"Are you hungry? Want to order something to eat?" he asked me "or we can cook something" I added. "My fridge is empty but there is a market store near by, what should i buy?" We wrote together list and Charles went by himself at the market. Meanwhile I looked around his home, the warm lighting, the comfortable couches, the pictures of the race tracks on the walls, the helmets and trophes on the showcases. I didn't want to impose thus didn't enter in his bedroom, keeping my little search just in the living room, hallway and dinning area.

I could somehow see pieces of him in every corner of the room. When he came back I was looking at one of his family picture in the frames on the living furniture "good genes runs into the Leclerc family" I said and pointed to a picture of him and his brothers. "You will meet them in person soon. My friends too" Charles said totally unbothered while unpacking the groceries and caught me off guard. For sure I wasn't ready for such a big step and started to freak out. For most of women this could be an important part of the relationship but it was not my case. Not now though!

"Bonsoir mademoiselle, take a seat and watch how I'll prepare the best carbonara pasta you have ever ate" I went to the kitchen and I smiled "just a second to check if i have some pills for stomach aches"
"Ha.ha Very funny"

I watched as he confidently moved around the space, chopping ingredients and stirring the pots on the stove. It was clear that this was a place where he was comfortable, where he felt most like himself. What was also clear, was that he should remain a racing driver, not a chef.

The anatomy of a champion    •  I  •Where stories live. Discover now