The anatomy of a champion • I •

59.

*****mature content*****

"will see tomorrow for sure, if the blood test comes out at optimal range and if his condition has improved, we'll give him permission to work" Christian nodded "he's a strong lad, i'm sure he will recover soon" turned his gaze to Max and tapped him over the back "i'll leave you now, i'll go talk to the bedridden man. Was a pleasure to meet you"

Mr Horner left the room and I thought Max will follow him, but apparently no "can i help you with something?" I asked him seeing he had no plans to leave "there are a few things that cross my mind right now"  he said as he got close to me leaving almost no space between us "why do you always breathe so intensly when i get close to you?"
Oh God. Why you keep testing me over and over. I'm weak when it comes to him, i thought it was clear by now. I lowered my head avoiding the eye contact because I knew if he will catch my look I will yield. "Max, please ..." I stuttered when he put his hand under my chin and gently lifted it up. "Irina, why do you keep doing this to us...it so fucking clear what we feel about each other"

On the moment our eyes meet my knees softened and I quickly moved away. Probably the best decision since I saw Charles sitting in the door frame clearing his throat "am I interrupting something?" he said with a trace of anger in his voice. I panicked, not knowing for how long he had been there "Of course not, Max just wanted to know the health status of one of the mechanics, and he is leaving now"
I sounded guilty as fuck and turned my gaze towards Max begging him to leave with my eyes.

An angry Max passed by almost bumping deliberately into Charles' chest "Poutain" he  wanted to go after Max and start a fight but I stopped him "Charles, calm down please. Let's go to the hotel"

On our way back to the hotel, Charles' silence worried me terribly. He was barely looking at me, avoiding and ignoring me in every way. When we entered the room, his mood switched in an instance and he started to kiss me pasionately and brutally at the same level. I thought he would start an argument with me, which would have been totally understandable considering what he witnessed. Instead, he was like a beast, ripping the clothes off of me and without any prelude, touching or more kissing, he pushed me on the matress and climbed on top of me. He didn't even remove his clothes, only pulling them down a bit.
Without warning or a condom he shoved his cock inside of me fucking me roughly. It was nothing special, nothing nice. He didn't care  if i was enjoying it or if i was being hurt, just keept fucking me until he found his release.
I felt miserable.
I felt used.

Charles stood up immediately and went to the bathroom, while I went to the balcony to smoke. Only cigarettes could calm me in this moment or some pills but I didn't have any of those. After few minutes, Charles joined me and leaned on his forearms over the railing. "Do you have feelings for him?" he said staring blankly at the buidlings in front.

Charles' words hung in the air like a heavy weight. I looked at him, searching his eyes for any sign of anger or jealousy. But instead, when he finally looked at me because I was delaying my answear, I saw sadness and resignation. I knew he was right and his question made perfect sense of course. The feelings for Max were deeper that everything I' ve experienced before, so intense and so fucking consuming. "I don't know what are talking about" I lied
"Irina, stop acting, for once . Just stop" he said raising his voice

"It's not that I don't care for you and don't have feelings for you"  I said softly, trying to find the right words but Charles laughed wryly "that was not my question" I stood up from the chair to went next to him. Charles shook his head, his eyes filled with bitterness. "That's not good enough, Irina. You never looked at me the way you look at Max. Even when we were happy, or you played this fucking role so damn good and made me feel you were happy with me. There was something missing. But i knew this from the beggining. In my stupidity i thought you will fall for me as i have fallen for you"

An excruciating feeling of guilt enveloping me like a shroud as I saw the pain in his eyes. His words hitting me like a sucker punch. As much as I wanted to avoid this, knowing how difficult this conversation would be, it hit me harder then expected. Even more when with his confession of being in love with me.
"I'm sorry," I said, reaching out to take his hand. I really didn't know what else I could say to him "I never meant to hurt you"
Charles gave me a small, sad smile. "I know you didn't. And I don't blame you for how you feel. It's just... hard, you know?"

"I know" I squeezed his hand. "But I'm here with you. I don't want to lose you, Charles. We can still make this work" i said hoping we could pass this obstacle now that it was discussed. He withdrew his hand "No Irina. I can' t compete with that, and frankly i don't think i want to. As much as i want you to be mine..." tears began to flow from my eyes. He wiped them away. "I just wish things were different." He said quietly keepin his emotions in check "me too. please Charles, i really don't want to lose you" i said between sobs. I started to be desparate, clearly having mixed feelings about everything in that moment.

I watched him go, my heart heavy with sadness and regret. I knew that I had hurt him deeply, and that nothing I could say or do would make things right again. But I also knew that I couldn't change the way I feel about Max and blamed myself for all. Blamed I had accepted the job in the first place, blamed I had involved Charles into this mess, blamed I didn't fall in love with him, blamed I had complicated everything, blamed I couldn't forget Max. Pretty much in this point I blame my entire existence.

Me: good evening Dr. Roberts and thousands of apologies for the late time in which I am writing to you, something unexpected of a personal matter happened and I have to return to my country urgently"

Was the last message I sent before packing my things and leave.

                         •   End of Part I   •