Live, Love, & Poetry

My Inner thoughts part 2

*disclosure these poems can be triggering to anybody who might be going through some things please if you feel like this story is too much call a family member or friend or a trusted adult to get help. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Thank you*

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One moment I love my life

The next I want to disappear with no hesitation

One moment I want to give everyone I love the love that they deserve

The next I sit in silence knowing I am not worthy of the love

One moment I am finally content with my life

Then it all falls apart with each scream and hit

I can't seem to escape these feelings

These feelings of uncertainty

I just need a break from these thoughts

That scream at me telling me I'm not enough

I just need a moment to breathe

These memories creeps in my mind

Like demons

I am trying to forget

but somehow I sit here remembering every little detail

Every hit that came across my body

Every scar that he marked on my body.

Every bruise that I believed I deserved

Remembering the moments where I blacked out from the abuse

Please someone take these memories away from me

They are driving me insane

I sit here feeling numb

Remembering the way he smiled while telling me "you like that?"

I want to scream but no noise comes out

Remembering the sound of his voice

Before blacking out

Someone please take these memories away from me

I just need a moment to breathe.

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I'm so fucking tired

I'm so fucking tired of these tears that never dry

I'm so fucking tired of these voices inside

They tell me to just grab the bottle and end it tonight

They tell me I will never be enough

That my ability to be a functioning human being is gone

I'm so fucking tired of these knives

That cut deep into my body so that I could feel

I'm so fucking tired of people telling me to get over it

When it is a constant battle between getting better or ending it tonight

I'm so fucking tired of people telling me to be positive when positivity is the last thing on my mind

My mind is like an ocean

The ocean of regret

All of my regrets get spit up onto the shore