Anakin, I Remember

Chapter 9

I remember the frustration.

At the age of 19, I had built high standards for myself and for my mother. Noon pa man, sinasabi ko na sa sarili ko, if I were to give her something, I wanted it to be the best. I wanted nothing but the best for her because that's what she deserved.

After everything we'd been through together, my mother deserved the best.

She's my everything—the home I would always find myself running back to even without hot tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to experience the great things life could offer with her by my side.

Pero sa kabilang banda, I wanted to savour my youth, too, habang nangangarap nang mataas para sa amin ni Mama. I wanted to make the most of every good thing that's in my life.

So, I did. I had always set my heart on satisfying myself with good food, exchanging a profusion of foolish jokes with my friends, holding my academic performance in high regard and building more and more dreams to accomplish. It's my way of living my life.

Pero wala, eh.

Life's playful at times. One day, it's inconceivably kind to you. The next day, it's the worst enemy you could ever think of. Just when I thought it couldn't get any more wicked and sickening, something sigh-worthy happened.

He casually walked into my life and I failed to have an inkling of what he was bound to make me feel like.

What part he was going to play in my life.

Which place in my heart he was going to hold.

Never pa akong nagka-boyfriend.

No one had ever confessed to me. No one had ever courted me, but I'd been told I was nice countless times. I'd admired several guys in high school, but I had never dated anyone in my life.

And I wasn't complaining because I was more than satisfied with what I had.

I was happy as I was. I loved my liberty so well.

Kaya nakakawindang. Nakakakainis. Nakakatakot.

Nakakainis dahil kung may isang bagay na magbabago, bakit hindi na lang 'yong grades ko sa student portal?

I didn't how to deal with it. It's not something I could easily welcome into my arms because it was certainly something I was very new to. It was strange to me. A big surprise. An unexpected slap across the face.

I didn't want it in the first place.

Napakabilis ng paglipas ng mga araw. Namalayan ko na lang ang sarili kong iniiwasan si Anakin sa abot ng makakaya ko. As much as possible, I tried to avoid him like he was a newly sharpened knife threatening to rip through my chest.

Baka sakali kasing may magbago. Baka nagkakamali lang ako. Baka wala lang talaga ito. Maybe it was only something short-lived.

Na baka kapag hindi ko na siya madalas na nakikita o nakakausap, lumipas din ang nararamdaman ko.

It was thoroughly frustrating.

Napakalawak ng university pero pakiramdam ko, napakasikip nito para sa aming dalawa.

"I guess I should go this way."

I went the opposite way without saying anything. I glanced at him with an uninterested look on my face—na para bang hindi dumadagundong ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba.

"See you later, Hattie."

Nagawa kong ignorahin ang ngising umukit sa mga labi niya na para bang wala akong naramdamang kiliti sa loob ng tiyan ko nang masilayan 'yon.