The Dreamer: The Book of Godspells

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I must have passed out because when I woke up, I was on the ground, alone, and surrounded by mirrors. Quickly, I stood up, noticing how warm the ground was, as if I had been lying on heated floors. Everything—from the floor to the cracks in the walls and the ceiling—was covered in mirrors. Every angle, every side, every part of the weird contraption I was in was reflective. Nowhere I looked could I escape seeing some part of myself. I cringed at the thought.

Unable to keep from looking, I met my reflection in the mirror, but staring back at me was a face that wasn't my own. I had green eyes, but I saw dark ones. I had blonde hair, but the person staring back at me had black hair. I wanted to smile, but I saw the scowl of another. The reflection was of a male, someone I felt I had seen before, once, in a distant dream.

"Who..." The word came out, and the mouth of the male mimicked my own. The voice was deeper than mine, and he stared at me like he was trying to look through me. Yes, through me, like he knew there was something I was hiding. How could he know that? I stared back, wondering who would break first. Then I blinked, my eyes watering from staring so hard. Fully expecting the dark eyes to blink back, my eyes opened again, and in that millisecond, the male was gone. The reflection changed.

Now, in the mirror, I saw a bare back. It was like the mirror was somehow now behind me, and yet it was right there in front of me. As I stared closer, leaning forward, I suddenly winced as a sharp pain seared in my back. It happened again and again, like a needle stabbing me over and over in the exact spot where I had been stabbed by a needle leaf. I watched my reflection and soon realized what was happening. Slowly, as the stabbing pain continued, I saw black ink searing into my skin. I felt it and could see it, but when I reached behind me, there was nothing.

What was happening to me? It was like something was etching a mark where I had fallen—a reminder that I couldn't forget. Then the ink expanded.

Between the pain and cringes, I watched the wings form like a tattoo. Were they wings? Yes, angel wings? No, they were darker, worse. They were the form of wings but nothing like an angel's. I knew I didn't deserve angel wings. These wings looked more like those of a dragon. They were angry, and they were not pretty. The marks not only felt terrible against my skin, causing pure torture that I couldn't hide or stop, but they also looked terrible, sharply etched and aggressive.

I cringed again, and my eyes shut. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I prayed for it to go away before I opened my eyes again. Please, please stop. Make it stop... I couldn't get the words out as the pain kept my mouth tightly shut, but my mind was screaming. Finally, after what felt like an eternity and feeling tears stream down my cheeks, I slowly opened my eyes as the sharp pain eased. When I did, the reflection was gone, and the stabbing in my back ceased.

Looking in the mirror, I saw my face this time. My eyes, not the dark eyes. My hair, not the black hair. My face, not the face of the boy from my past dream. I was back to looking at the reflection of a girl with green eyes, blonde hair, and now a scowl on my own face. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, trying my hardest to make sure it was really me, I realized something. I didn't know who the girl in the mirror was. Not really, not anymore. I felt as confused about who was staring back at me as I did when the boy with dark eyes had stared back.

What had changed? I turned around, showing my back in the mirror on the other side of the cell I was in, and saw the wings still there. They were etched into my skin, like a reminder that perhaps I, too, was some sort of monster.

The boy was a monster; I knew he had to be. But why did I feel the same? Unable to keep from looking at the mirrors surrounding me, I started hating it more and more. The more I looked around, staring at myself, the more confused about my own identity I became. I felt confused, crazy, angry. I felt hopeless, helpless, lifeless...