The Dreamer: The Book of Godspells

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I stood before a window, but it wasn't the same one from my first dream. I stared through it so intently that I felt like my eyes might burst, unable to tear my gaze away. It was as if I was compelled, incapable of stopping myself. The window was large, reaching from floor to ceiling, its frame covered in ivory. I felt a strange eagerness to see what lay beyond, what the window wanted to show me. My emotions were in turmoil. One moment, I felt like a beast, clawing at the window to break free. The next, I felt almost angelic, as if gazing out into an abyss that even I couldn't fully comprehend. But I knew, somehow, that there was something out there, something I was destined to see. I felt powerful, angry, and curious.

I was like a spawn of the gods, descended to battle my inner demons, only to realize that all I fought against were actually fighting on the same side.

What was that saying from Shakespeare, 'the eyes are the windows to your soul'?

I cautiously raised a finger and pressed it against the window, as if afraid it would shatter if I were too forceful. My fingerprint left a mark on the moist glass. It felt cold, contrasting with the warmth I felt everywhere else, though I couldn't see anything around me. The light from the window was the only illumination, allowing me to see anything at all.

The darkness around me seemed to devour the light from the window. But I didn't mind; somehow, in that moment, as I struggled within myself, I realized something. The darkness was there for a reason, just as I stood there for a reason. It somehow made that small light more significant than it would have been otherwise.

Then, whispers surrounded me, coming from all directions. I heard words that I recognized, though no names were mentioned: "Morry... Penelope... Allen... Colik... Himyla... Blaze... Hazel... Lulu..." The names repeated from all angles, echoing around me.

"Hazel?" I found myself saying aloud. Was it Hazel from the Room of Locks or my teddy bear? I tried to locate the source of the voices, but there were so many, and the tones were unfamiliar, only the words, only the names. The light from the window was so bright that it allowed me to see every part of my own standing body, casting a shadow that seemed to lead to the window's edge.

The window, so vast before me, drew me nearer. I took another step closer, pressing my palm against it. My entire palm, every fingerprint, pressed against the glass. All I could see was white, the same type of white as in my previous dream, yet this dream was so different. I knew I was the girl standing there, as myself, not a small child. I wore the same white gown, and my bare feet touched the edge of the bottom of the ivory-framed window. A part of me wondered if it was a secret door, but there was no latch, no way to step through it, in or out.

"Lulu... Morry... Penelope... Allen... Colik... Himyla... Blaze... Hazel..." The echoes continued, and now they were getting to my head. I couldn't stop them, and they repeated like nagging cries, begging for release. The tone of the voices was unpleasant, even murderous, as if they were imploring me for help. I pulled my hand away from the window and covered my ears, trying to block out the sound. There was now a single handprint on the window, clearly left by my hand.

"Please stop, please stop," I begged. This had to be another nightmare. I closed my eyes and continued pleading. "This is not real, this is not real..." I repeated, as if I were one of the monsters in my own head. After what felt like an eternity, the voices ceased, replaced by silence. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked back at the window a foot from my face. Where I had drowned out the voices, I now saw handprints forming on the window, but from the other side. It was as if there were people pressing against the window, now begging to get out. My eyes widened as I watched them pressing so hard, all over the window. There were so many hands. Was the window a barrier keeping people out? Or perhaps, it was actually a wall, keeping them in?