So, you found me. Now what?

I craddled my head in my hands whipping back and forth on the concrete hard floor. Fresh tears sprang to my eyes and welled over. The room was dead silent. Silent enough to drive one into craziness. My tears slipped from my face splashing onto the ground beneath me. I was left alone with my thoughts. Does no one know how bad it is to do that?! Does no one understand how dangerous it is to leave me alone... to...think?

I can't trust myself to think anymore, no, not now, not after everything... Not after... The incident. I won't allow myself to think of it, other wise I'd miss my family, my friends, my life before abuse, but most of all, I'd miss my innocence. The innocence I've had stolen from me, mulitpule times, by multiple people, on multipul occasions... I'm no longer innocent. I do not have the mind of one who is innocent. I'm doomed, doomed for no-one to find me, doomed to be abused even more, for all my life, till I'm sick with a disease ridden body.

I coiled myself into my body tighter, as tears spilled non stop over and over landing with what seemed like a huge smash on the ground. Memories spiralled around in my head as I tried my hardest to block them out. I rocked quicker and more vigourously than before. My bottom started to graze because of the friction and contact with the rough floor. A picture of my mum flashed into my mind, then dad... Then Aaron. I was overwhelmed by my last memory of him. Of MY him! He was mine.... Was being the predominant word.

I shook my head in a voilent manner. NO! NO THINKING! Isn't that what I stick by? Isn't that my main rule? Never think, never reminicinse, other wise the pain I already feel will deepen, life will be unbearable. But why then? Why was I going against myself? I knew this was a tricky and bad idea so why would I do it?! GREAT! I'm thinking about it again! I clenched my fingers tighter, drilling my jagged nails into my scalp, harder and harder until I broke skin. I felt the blood drizzle down the sides of my face from the numerous wounds now on my head. Yes! I felt the pain searing through my head now. Sharp and stinging pain that ripped through my body, bolt after bolt. I was used to it now, the pain, it was my drug, addicted to it, can't live without it, helps me forget, it gets me high.

A smile appeared on my face and I unclenched my fingers and stopped rocking, bringing my hands now down to my face, I wipped away the few tears struggling to be released. Whilst at it I smudged my makeup even more from last night. I probably looked like a drag queen. Like I really cared though. My life was about survival of the fittest! And no! Not Darwins theory but literraly the survival of the fittest. If you weren't up to the standards... You were 'disposed' of. Like a dirty, used, old, sagging, soggy tissue.

I spread my legs out infront of me stretching out and raising my arms above my head, flexing my arm muscles as well. Then with a puff I slumped back down. Shaking out my wrists which were still shackled and loosley changed to the floor. I frowned, remembering it was my birthday. Ahhhh, 21 today. It's meant to special right? Spending the night with the man you love, I'll be spending it with a man I've never seen before and never will see again. A silent tear stuck down my face again. But I sucked it up. I'm tough... I'm sturdy, I dont get knocked down by no one! No how! Yup! That's the right frame of mind to be in! A smile smeared on my face again. Today would be good. I told myself optismisticly. A night of fun.

'What do you have to smile about bitch!' came the voice of Jase. My smile did not falter at his enterance to my room or his words. I carried on smiling, trying to convince myself that I could enjoy tonight.

'I said what do you have to smile about bitch?!' he shouted now as he trudged over to me.

I felt the wrath of his back hand wack across my cheek and that's when my smile faltered. I was lying only to myslef. I all too well knew I wouldn't and couldn't enjoy myself. I felt an extremely painful tug at my hair to see Jase hovering above me trying to pull me up. His grip tightened on my hair, as he pulled harder. CRAP! My hair felt like it would just rip it out of my roots. With a squeal I staggered to my feet, stretching out the chain from the floor to my hands, till it let me no more. He bought me closser to him still using my hair to control me. I stumbled on to him and he pushed me back with so much force that I slipped on the grubby floor, first banging my head forcefully on the wall and then slapping down onto the concrete floor where an ear peircing smash howled through the room.

I lay motionless where I was. Not wanting to move, just wanted the dark to consume me, I waited and waited yet nothing I squeezed my eyes shut as a banging head ache began streaming from my skull, to all lengths of my forehead. I let out a shreak of pain as the pain from the hit skull slowly reared up in my head and sent signals shooting to my brain... Pain. Yes! Pain! Come on darkness take me I'm ready for you!

'GET UP BITCH! Don't act like you can't hear me...' Jase growled kicking my side with force so that my wounded head rubbed slightly on the dirty floor.

I let out another scream, arching my back as the gash on my head opened up more.

'I know your awake hoe! So get up!' Jase grabbed my hair again this time effectively making me stand immediately.

I winced in pain, slowly i opened my eyes to see my room guard standing in front of me.

'Noww...' he breathed on my face, 'will you disobey me again?'

I struggled with my words as jolts of pain would redirect my focus, 'Yes!' I croaked.

Jase suddenly slammed his fist against my temple knocking my head to the side but keeping my body still with a grip on my forearm. 'I said, will you DISOBEY ME again?!'

'YES!.' I said trying to sound secure.

'you filthy whore!' he shouted slamming his fist now into my gut. I doubled over, my hand immediately held my stoamach as a reflex action and rubbed it. There would most deffinately be a bruise there tomorrow.

I tilted my head up to look at my guard Jase as I murmured, 'I'm only a whore because you made me into one.' yes, I was strong, quite rowdy, I never let Jase walk all over me like the other girls do. I rubbed away the dried blood from my cheek and wiped some bloody from my brow. I rubbed off the blood onto my scrawny top but my shackles made the job harder then it really was.

Then i turned back to Jase who was staring at me, an unreadable emotion was held on his face, maybe... Sympathy? Before I had a chance to make sure, it was gone. He stepped closer to me and I stepped back until my back hit the wall behind me. I flinched a little from the contact with the bruises I had on my back. Jase took a strand of my blood stained black hair in his fingers and played with it. Then tucked it away behind me ear. I gulped, what wa he doing?! I wasn't sexualy arroused by Jase. Sure he was good looking. He had light brown hair that hung down in his eyes slightly. His eyes where chocolate brown and he had a strong jaw. He is very well built but I guess you have to be in this job. He wore all black, which was standard uniform. Black tie, black shirt, black shoes, black trousers with a black belt and when he was on duty standing outside the door, he had black shades. The buldge of his gun in his trouser pocket was barely noticeable unless ofcourse you were some sort of expert with finding out if someone is in possession of a gun. I turned my head away from him and I heard him laugh.

'Well then,' he said lightly slapping my cheek, 'you have grown to be a very talented whore at that. All a guy needs to say is "spread your legs" and you do as told. Your a natural!' he scolded before turning on his heals and steadily walking to the door in huge strides. A silent tear ran down my face... Don't listen to him MARINA! Your not a whore, your so much better than that! Remember? No one can knock you down!

'Basterd.' I grumbled underneath my breath, slumping down the wall.

Suddenly Jase turned around and charged for me and stared down at me, 'IF YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO MY FACE!'

I struggled to get up but I managed and I staggered forward to be right in front of him. 'Bastred.' I spat.

I felt a jolt of pain from my lower abdomen. He had kicked me there hard. I fell backwards and slid down the wall landing with a thud on the cool hard ground. I saw the knuckle dusters in Jases hands as his fist then connected once again with my temple sending me flat onto the floor. I sprawled out and felt another stabbing pain on my back where I assume Jase had kicked me once I was down. I felt the darkness creeping upon me now. Well, it was about time wasn't it? Ones body can only take a certain amount of abuse. The blankness cloaked my vision and the coursing pain impaired my hearing, I could no longer spell my metallic blood or the reeking room, I could no longer feel the cold floor bellow me. My mind dazed off as did my senses. I wish this time it would stay that way, instead of waking up some few minutes, hours, days later.